This year was...I don't know how to sum it up. Good, I guess. Ordinary may be a better expression, however. And ordinary is definitely not bad. As we barrel toward the end of 2011, I have thoughts coming to me about myself. I become incredibly self aware at this point in the year. Maybe that's normal.
I think a lot of people misread my inward nature as disdain. Or my facial expressions as snobbery. If it was something that happened infrequently, I would just pass it off and ignore, but it happens enough that I must look inward for fault. I want to change that. And I want to find why it happens with some and not others. I know I'm an introvert. I know I don't ask for help. I know that if I truly care about you I rarely face head on what's bothering me about you. All things not great and could easily be better.
Another thing is my reactive-ness. You make me angry? My response is probably not of the calm variety. I find you insufferable? It's terribly hard to get change that opinion. I'm harsh. I know I am. I'm most harsh on Sammy, for better or worse. There is a certain standard he needs to live up to and I fear it's the wrong way to do things. But then again...
I talk too much. I'm too loud. I'm too inward looking and not enough outward seeking. I don't let people in, but once I do, I hold too tightly. These are the thoughts I have as I wrap up my year and have 2012's word rattle about, waiting for me to give it breath. These are things coming about, waiting to be dealt with.
2011 was good. Ordinary. Definitely not bad. 2012, I'm not sure of. I'm hesitant. How long can good and ordinary last?
It was a good holiday. Mostly slow. Sometimes a flurry. Just as it should be. On Friday we stumbled into what may become our new tradition. We spent the day in Salt Lake, first eating at Bruges (a must!). It was just as good as ever, Isaac's indigestion later not counting....After a decadent meal, we headed over to Temple Square. Earlier in the week, Sammy and I had made up several bags of goodies (blankets, scarves, hats, gloves, lotion, chap stick, oranges) and walked the streets passing them out to people in need. It was the best way to spend part of our holiday. We were met with grateful hearts and a wonderful lesson for Sammy, not to mention what Isaac and I got out of it. The best part was after we were done, we got in the car and headed toward The Gateway, passing one of the men we gave a package too, already huddled in his new blanket. I burst into tears.
Saturday we had an Eve without a tradition. We spent it playing Sorry and lounging with no real purpose or schedule. Isaac came home from work early afternoon. Both of us were gobsmacked at the number of people who called in for appointments that day. Which would have been more if Isaac hadn't cut his schedule early. Baffled, people. We grabbed some movies and Chinese take out amid Sammy wondering what game the elves would leave us under the tree. Once home, we scoped out the loot and Sammy went to bed. Isaac and I watched a movie and ate take out and relaxed. Lovely.
Christmas Day was low key. Just the way I love it. And until I get my rental cottage in Canon Beach every Christmas, this one was pretty darn perfect. Sammy was anxious to go down, of course. And there is nothing like Christmas via a 5 year old. About two weeks ago, he put a package under the tree for Momo (an old jingle ball). He sat and opened it for his stuffed cat and made sure he was busy playing with his gift before we opened most of our presents. Goober kid.
We had decided not to open presents until after church, but...well, 5 year old. By 6:30 am, my living room looked like this (well, without the sun, of course...): Isn't that a sign of a successful day?
We spent yesterday at my in-laws. I sat for hours and talked to my sister in law Sara and I'm even more convinced that we would be the best of friends if she lived closer. Sammy played, we ate (my mother in law's crab dip is akin to heaven, I swear!) and talked and wished for naps.
Maybe there's something about this no tradition weekend after all.
