Friday - a day spent in the yard. Solar lights in. Sammy's box o' dirt built. Basil planted. Lunch with my lovely mother-in-law. However, no pictures...
Saturday - Sammy's tea party
Sunday - A boy watching Scooby Doo, snuggling with his new bunny, trying to kick the last of his cold
Monday - What do you get when you add Nine West rewards money + a sale + wanting navy shoes? These.
Tuesday - a boy and his first skate board
Wednesday - cousin fun; the hero worship is MIGHTY
I feel, lately, I'm having odd experiences. Up is down, right is left. For the millionth time, I chalk it up to growing up. But still call it weird.
A couple of months ago, I found an old friend on facebook. I was thrilled. I've been trying to find her for years. We were GREAT friends at one point, but had, like most, lost touch. I hid her from my feed three days later. I could not stand her postings. EVERY post was political, which, is not usually a deal breaker for me. What WAS the deal breaker is how she acted while posting these. Very paranoid. Very conspiracy - theory oriented. A little, can I say, crazy sounding. And yet, would not have a normal catch up conversation.
However, I did find another friend and it has been lovely catching up. It's not quite been the "nothing has changed" relationship that I wish for, but it's been lovely. And it's highlighted how much I've missed him and his friendship. And I'm grateful we are back in touch. However, out of these two experiences, they are exactly opposite of how I would have predicted they would have turned out, had I guessed months ago.
Closer to home, I've fallen into the quickest friendship. Which is pretty unlike me, actually. I tend to hold back, guarded, until the ugly eventually rears its head and shows me that the new friendship isn't going to work somehow. But Lacy. Well, Lacy is different. I'm pretty sure we've been friends forever and were just only made aware of it this year. It's lovely. And makes me believe that friends like this can happen at any age, if we're willing to be open.
A couple of weeks ago, I put a pretty nasty facebook status up. I had gotten home from church, frustrated with someone, and I railed. Unwisely. I pulled it before too many people saw it. But the feeling in my soul lingers. At first glance, I thought this woman would be great to get to know. On paper, things seemed right to be friends. But things aren't always as 'on paper'. I won't detail what happened, but suffice it to say I left the meeting seething and calling her a terrible mother and how on earth could she even THINK of having children how incompetent can she be...It was harsh. It was mean. It was regrettable the second it escaped my lips. And then my upside down topsy turvy world wondered at my quick judgment. It wondered at my unholy thoughts and snapped thinking. How I absolutely let this instance ruin a portion of my day.
All of these things probably mean very little. However, put them together and I'm starting to feel that these experiences feel richer or deeper or more meaningful. That these individual blips of life really do make up the tapestry of my days. That these slices are what it's all about. It's not the grand, but the mundane. I know they mean something, put all together. But I'm not really sure what, yet.
The mirror sees...20 pounds lighter, 10 years younger, smooth, clear skin with no puffiness or bulges. The reality is...a plump, middle aged woman with wrinkles and rolls, battling hormonal changes and creaking in the knees. I wonder when the mirror and the reality diverged so greatly. I wonder when the inside and the outside became strangers of one another. I wish I could recall when the silly worries of yesterday became the real, soul wrenching worries of grown ups.
It seems just yesterday I was complaining how bulky my 120 pound frame was. How I could stand to lose a couple more pounds. How my biggest worry was over some boy. It seems just yesterday the only thing I worried about was myself. What I needed in life, in love. But I know it wasn't. The years have passed against my will and with it has come a complicated web of worry about others. A growing and expanding only the experience of years can bring. At that very heart lies the dichotomy of reality versus the mirror. What you feel, how you look, what's inside and what is out.
Today, however, that mirror is clearly showing the bags and fine lines and a woman of worry. It's coming in line more with reality in a brief moment of clarity. Days will pass and the two will diverge again, as this point passes. The reality and the mirror will once again be strangers. But for today, every grown up worry will press on me and I'll not breathe as I examine the reality. I'll hear the creak in my knees as I kneel a little more often. Just for today.
Since we had our history defined and our plan outlined, it was time to start living. So we sat down and made a budget that would work for us. While in San Diego, it was fairly tight. While not as "get out of debt as quickly as possible" tight, we still needed to have a substantial savings going into opening our own practice. Neither of us knew how long it would be until we made a decent living once we moved and we needed to be prepared for any scenario. So we opened up several savings accounts to accommodate our needs. It was then we started the 'savings accounts for all seasons' phase of life we're still in!
Once we moved here, the practice did well nearly out of the gate. It was quite the blessing. So, as we worked into the groove of a new practice and new living experiences, our budget changed drastically. The first part of this was deciding what was important to us as a family and building a budget around that. We wanted our money to help us live and to help us do those things we value. Travel and experiences were high on my list (enter vacation fund and at least two concerts / summer!) and future security topped both of ours (retirement / long term funds), followed closely by early house pay off and saving for a new to us car(which, I guess technically, could be considered one and the same). So with that in mind, we opened up a few more savings accounts, got our budget in order (which undergoes constant tweaking!) and this is where we live today.
We figured out what we needed to have in each of our accounts yearly (either by payments or a figure that made both of us comfortable) and divided by 52. Some are non-negotiable (I'm looking at you taxes and insurance premiums!), but most only happen when work is steady - they are savings, but for the non-essential of life. It's nice knowing we have these savings goals, but at the same time, it's also nice to know we have accounts which are, at least in my mind, off limits, but still accessible should something happen. We do have a budgeting groove, down, but it's also constantly in flux. We change and adapt as needed and being so very hands on with our money on a - at the very least - weekly basis gives us the feel when things are off or I'm relying on the credit card a little too often or we need to reign it in and adjust to cover a slower week at work. I know a lot of people would hate this much face time with their ledgers, but for us, it's a necessity. Maybe we're both just a little bit Scrooge McDuck in that sense. Just, sadly, without that vault full of cash...
We've revamped how we're attacking the lawn. And completely getting why people hire landscapers! But that's another story. Instead of weeding the entire yard completely and then starting to landscape and plant, which CLEARLY was not working, we'll weed and complete little sections at a time. I think that is MUCH more doable and we'll just call lastyear a learning curve! (all three previous installments linked for your, um...boredom?)
So. Here are the befores (or the "holy cow did we do ANYTHING last summer?!): Front. Oh, wait! Our apple tree! We DID do something! Side yard and our nectarine tree: This summer's canvas: We needed early garden boxes in for the strawberry starts I had, so we just dove in, head first, and started. The other boxes will be done more slowly over the summer and prepped for next summer planting. Yay for no real rush! And this shows that my strawberries weren't all dead at first. Huh. I just realized how many are, now... It seems a slow start, but we've had the rain to contend with! We've since added our solar lights along the walkway, a smaller box for basil and a larger box o' dirt for Sammy to dig in.
Up next, we are trying to find the best option for a pathway in between boxes. We'll test it out on the park strip (completely that!) and then start in on the yard - building pathway and boxes as we go. I'm hopeful we'll have at least half, if not the whole of the front done before fall. In addition, I need to find someone to pour concrete to extend our porch, add a picnic table under the apple tree and find some Adirondack rockers for the porch and a wooden screen door. Whew! That sounds like a full summer, but I have a feeling it will be much quicker than next summer tackle of the side and back yard. That I'm not looking forward to. Even if I AM looking forward to the awning and fire pit!
