Yearly

Here's a glimpse of this year's family photos. I'm mildly disgusted at how fat I look. Wait...am. But, man. My husband is hot. And my kid is cute. Gotta love that.

Sammy, bringing the cheese:


I would like to note that I was telling him to NOT, in fact, think about getting on that motorcycle...


Where to start...Sammy wanting to put his hand in the hole in the wall? (spiders, cigarette butts, who knows, oh my!) Momo looking dead? None of us looking the same way? All awesome...


My handsome boys...


Let me tell you a little secret. We spent approximately 2.2 hours trying to get my heels not to fall through on those stairs. And weren't very successful. Just saying...


Waiting for the cool orange wall across the street to become available. It never did...


My favorite album cover shots:



Dude. Who's arm is that? An 80 year olds? Clearly I should be encouraging the purchase of that rowing machine Isaac wants...


That's my boy...


My lovely husband and I:


This I love...as Sammy would say - We're a happy family!:



And my favorites:







(this time of year, bte)

The Process

My mother in law convinced me to buy this (I'm not entirely sure how...she's good, that one!). Thankfully, the convincing also came with the promise of help, which is welcomed and wonderful. I enjoy my mother in law's company and will absolutely take her up on a girls day of quilting. However, I almost said no, that it was "too pretty" to experiment on for my first quilt. Which lead me to wonder why that was my first thought. And then I realized that I always do that. For everything.

Growing up, failure was not an option. At all. If you got an A-, it wasn't celebrated, it was...well, why didn't you get an A+? You should try harder. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, just that it is what it is. That mentality was there from the beginning. If you don't do it correctly, you DO it correctly. What this has translated to, in my adult life, is if I can't do it perfect, I don't do it at all. It just seems, well, easier.

I've been reading with great interest lately how people write. The actual process. Because I've been thinking what I'm doing isn't really working for me, so I've been trying to get some ideas...change things up a little. So...paper vs. computer. Timed writing sessions vs. word count. I felt as if I could just tap into what was tripping me up, I could fix it and work harder. Right? But then my mother in law talked me into a quilting kit. To quilt. When I've never quilted before. And suddenly, I realized something. It's NOT about computer vs. paper or timed vs. word count. Yes, I do need to figure those things out simply to help my long term goal, but it doesn't matter for what I thought it did originally. Because what is really going on is this. I don't feel as though I can rewrite something. As if what comes flowing through my fingers needs to be print ready without any rewrites. Which is...hello! Stupid. Right? But yet, it's easier for me to not write at all than to rewrite. Because if it's not perfect...why commit it to paper.

So I ran into this quote on Twitter yesterday and, for all its simplicity, it, in combination with my mother in law, made me see clearly. It was something like this. 'Writing isn't brain surgery. You don't have to get it right the first time.' I know I'm paraphrasing and getting it all wrong, but the sentiment is there. It's not brain surgery. I don't have to get it perfect the first time. Computer or paper, it doesn't matter. Just get words committed to paper. Go back and fix after that. What a novel thought.


(thompson twins, hold me now)

What's On My Mind

Decide for me, because I am RIGHT down the middle on this one. The Frames are playing in Seattle next month. I would LOVE to see them. Here's the thing - I can totally go. But I'm still wrestling with the decision. So a few pro / cons and then I want you all to weigh in. Because I'm being a decision wuss.

Pro:
-It's The Frames. Hello!
-I completely love Glen Hansard (um...boyfriend #2?)
-It falls on a weekend that Isaac rearranging his schedule isn't terribly painful
-Isaac is fine with me up and going
-I would get to go with lbs, which guarantees a good time...and finally (after 6 years!) meet Susan
-I would totally get to be there. Singing along with this:



-I could stop in at John Fluevog...
-It would be just for me...frivolous
-Seattle in November...(which, to me, is a total PRO)

Con:
-It's completely frivolous
-It would be SUCH a quick trip (we're talking less than 24 hours)
-It seems like a waste of our family vacation money fund
-I hate being away from Isaac and Sammy
-I would have to fly. Twice. In less than 24 hours. Is there enough valium in the world for that?
-I would have to fly and possibly plunge to the ground in a horrible twisted mass of metal fire ball (though, pro, my charred remains would be buried in the NWish...).
-It's Thanksgiving weekend (which isn't terrible, but I feel a bit of guilt over, even though Thanksgiving at our house is a sweats and movies weekend and I wouldn't actually miss THANKSGIVING itself)
-I would feel as though a possible girls weekend with Isaac's sisters next spring is an automatic no-go

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but for now that's enough. So...


(finally, the frames...seriously. Why am I struggling, again?)

That's What We Call Ew...

I remember my first panic attack. Granted, I haven't had a LOT of them, but still. My first one. It was within the first year my ex and I were married. We were headed home one night from my brother's house. As we approached the intersection where you would turn to go to the hospital, I just knew I needed to go. So I told him that I thought I was having a heart attack and we went. Clearly, I wasn't having a heart attack. They hooked me up to the machines and checked me out. I overheard the doctor being snarky at my expense and then, suddenly, I was released with the instructions that I needed to destress (story of my life, people!).

It's been a long time since I've had a panic attack. They quit a short time after the divorce and I've only ever had a couple since. However. Friday morning they nearly came back.

Isaac went to the gym and I got up to check blogs and email before we started our day. A few minutes after he got home, I smelled the beauty that is bacon coming up the stairs. So I decided to go and see if it was done. I padded down the stairs, dreaming of a lovely breakfast before we tackled the fall garage clean up. I moved around the bar and felt something under my foot. It was big and...fuzzy? Huh. I know my floor needs cleaned, but...HOLY HANNAH!



Yeah. I totally stepped on that. Barefoot. Right in the arch. It was a good hour before I calmed down enough and got the fuzzy feeling out of my head. We're 85% sure it was dead before hand (if not, why would it have just been hanging out by Isaac's foot while he cooked? Did he like bacon, too?) since Isaac had shoes on and I'm thinking it would have run away. But, still. Totally stepped on it. And then I screamed. Because. Ew...


(the kooks, always where i need to be: Man. I should do a post about how much I love this song. Because it's a LOT. Probably hedging into top 10 all time favorites category. If I were to track that sort of thing...)

A Wish To Dream

My sister in law is getting married this weekend in Oregon. On the coast. Do I even need to tell you how bummed I am I'm not there? So, instead, to celebrate my favorite place on earth, the Oregon coast, I decided to celebrate my loves of late. In no particular order:

This book. I'm excited to start reading. It sounds exactly what I need right now.

Justin Timberlake. Which should really be a post on its own.

This print. It's just the reminder we all need.

These boots to go with my new skinny jeans. And, uh, skinny jeans. Who knew?

This journal. Doesn't it just scream: An award winning novel was written in me! Or this one. Although, I think it just says: A really witty grocery list was written here...

I need (NEED!) ballet flats. I'm so sorry these are the ones I love the most ($195! Yikes!).

This post. I like knowing I'm not alone.

The thought of staying here on our upcoming tour o' the UK. (And by upcoming, I mean so far off most normal people wouldn't be dreaming or making plans, yet...)

Trying these, this weekend. Right?

This article. Even if it clearly shows I'm aging. Sigh...

A desire to read my way through this list. I have read several and would go on a rant about a few, but this is a love list. So I'll just say that I love people who don't ban books. Book banning is stupid. Especially as my favorite book of all time is listed at number one. SERIOUSLY? I read that at least twice before leaving high school. I don't get the ban. Oh, yeah. Love. I love literature. I love that I'll use this list to give Sammy stuff to read!

This guy. (For the record? I've totally been cow tipping. Though it didn't usually involve cows. Or tipping, oddly...). And his stuff on grammar kills me.(Totally watch THIS one. Hee! Or the one on oxymoron...) Or this one. Romantic comedies. Even funny when you like them.

The Xx:

(the xx, vcr)