For January, we read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. What a great book. I had heard so much good about it that I was afraid I wouldn't love it, but I did. I came to care about the characters and want the very best for all of them. I was heartbroken with them, joyous with them and truly loved the book. One of the best I've read in a long time. I love it when something actually lives up to the hype!
It reminded me a little of Ella Minnow Pea and I thought for awhile it was simply due to them both being written in letter form, but I decided it's more than that. There is a sense of wonder and snark and a healthy dose of tongue in cheek in them both. Very similar in style and tone and the same amount of love for them both.
Book club was, as always, uplifting and good for the soul. I am coming to depend, more and more, on this night away in order to recharge and refocus and have fun.
Book for this month: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
Music for the book:
(paul weller, english rose...man he's hot)
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
It Won't Be Long
Another favorite song, Alison Moyet's It Won't Be Long:
For many years, my "cleaning music" was Alison's singles disc. I immediately fell in love with this song and find that now, when my cleaning music is Sammy watching tv, this song still stays with me. Whenever it pops up on my playlist, I demand silence and sing at the top of my lungs. I love her, anyway, but this song is definitely my favorite. It reminds me of the end winter and tiny apartments and figuring out who I was. It reminds me of good times and bad times and anytime I needed something to hold onto. Definitely in my all time top ten. Definitely.
top five Alison Moyet songs:
1. It Won't Be Long
2. Should I Feel That It's Over
3. This House
4. Only You
5. Wishing You Were Here
(I LOVE how different she looks in all of these...)
For many years, my "cleaning music" was Alison's singles disc. I immediately fell in love with this song and find that now, when my cleaning music is Sammy watching tv, this song still stays with me. Whenever it pops up on my playlist, I demand silence and sing at the top of my lungs. I love her, anyway, but this song is definitely my favorite. It reminds me of the end winter and tiny apartments and figuring out who I was. It reminds me of good times and bad times and anytime I needed something to hold onto. Definitely in my all time top ten. Definitely.
top five Alison Moyet songs:
1. It Won't Be Long
2. Should I Feel That It's Over
3. This House
4. Only You
5. Wishing You Were Here
(I LOVE how different she looks in all of these...)
same, same!
media
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Truth and Somewhere In Between
Isaac and I started watching The United States of Tara recently. The premise is that Tara had something happen to her somewhere in her past and in order to deal and protect herself, she develops multiple personalities. So interesting.
I read things my ex has to say about me. It's easy sometimes to let him get to me, still, after he unexpectedly dropped back into my life. And I'm not going to lie, some of it hurts. Some of it is complete rubbish; the rantings of an angry man, but others sting. He knows what to say to push my buttons. For example, he can call me most names under the sun and I can laugh it off because we all know it's crazy talk. Angry talk. However, he insults my intelligence or calls me a bad writer and he knows that will make me wince. We both know it's not true, but he knows that's what will hurt. And I sometimes wonder if he's right. If I am horrible. If I am rewriting our history. If there was enough trauma to make me protect myself in ways I don't even realize. And then I remember that he isn't right. I go through journals and talk to people who knew us and I can shake it off and move on. Thankfully, him getting to me is brief and easily cast aside; limited trauma at worst.
What makes trauma unbearable for one and cope-able for another? Is there a limit, a threshold? I've had trauma in my life, but not a lot. I rarely categorize my divorce as trauma...I just don't see that it was. It was difficult and led to feelings of betrayal and fear of abandonment that I had to get a grip on, but trauma? Not really. There were areas in our life that I wouldn't wish on anyone. There were conditions I hated and felt no person should have to deal with, but it was there and real and I HAD to deal. So I did. Until he didn't. And then I gave up. But that wasn't trauma. That was just life.
Was trauma the incident with my first boyfriend? The not so nice one? Possibly. A lot was trauma with him. Trauma that a lot of people don't make it through. So why did I make it through and others don't? What is it about trauma that makes one person react one way and another not? Or, worse, am I exhibiting signs and not even realize it...
Mood song:
(bnl, break your heart)
I read things my ex has to say about me. It's easy sometimes to let him get to me, still, after he unexpectedly dropped back into my life. And I'm not going to lie, some of it hurts. Some of it is complete rubbish; the rantings of an angry man, but others sting. He knows what to say to push my buttons. For example, he can call me most names under the sun and I can laugh it off because we all know it's crazy talk. Angry talk. However, he insults my intelligence or calls me a bad writer and he knows that will make me wince. We both know it's not true, but he knows that's what will hurt. And I sometimes wonder if he's right. If I am horrible. If I am rewriting our history. If there was enough trauma to make me protect myself in ways I don't even realize. And then I remember that he isn't right. I go through journals and talk to people who knew us and I can shake it off and move on. Thankfully, him getting to me is brief and easily cast aside; limited trauma at worst.
What makes trauma unbearable for one and cope-able for another? Is there a limit, a threshold? I've had trauma in my life, but not a lot. I rarely categorize my divorce as trauma...I just don't see that it was. It was difficult and led to feelings of betrayal and fear of abandonment that I had to get a grip on, but trauma? Not really. There were areas in our life that I wouldn't wish on anyone. There were conditions I hated and felt no person should have to deal with, but it was there and real and I HAD to deal. So I did. Until he didn't. And then I gave up. But that wasn't trauma. That was just life.
Was trauma the incident with my first boyfriend? The not so nice one? Possibly. A lot was trauma with him. Trauma that a lot of people don't make it through. So why did I make it through and others don't? What is it about trauma that makes one person react one way and another not? Or, worse, am I exhibiting signs and not even realize it...
Mood song:
(bnl, break your heart)
same, same!
all about me
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I've Been Feeling So Much Older...
Such a good day yesterday. Emails, calls from friends. A day of sun and warmth (it was nearly 40* WooHoo!). A LOVELY present from my sister and an indulgent present from, well, me and Isaac. A good (great!) dinner out at my favorite restaurant (fajita burrito, raspberry margarita, deep fried cheesecake) with my boys. Crowded House on the radio on the way home (just for me!).
It was the perfect way to start year 37. Late 30s? Bring it on.
On the radio last night:
(crowded house, something so strong)
It was the perfect way to start year 37. Late 30s? Bring it on.
On the radio last night:
(crowded house, something so strong)
same, same!
all about me
Monday, February 1, 2010
36 Things
I'm 36 today. Which baffles me. In celebration, 36 random facts you never wanted to know.
1. I have a secret obsession with What I Like About You. Yeah, not the song, the sit-com. Still tivo the reruns.
2. I can't stand scary things. Or even remotely scary things. Unsolved Mysteries? Murder She Wrote? The ridiculously scary movie my brother made me watch when I was just a wee child? All still haunt me.
3. I honestly believe I have the power to make everyone happy.
4. I think the praise of man (or woman) rocks a little too much.
5. I would HONESTLY rather stay home with Isaac than ever leave the house.
6. I have a secret crush on Alec Baldwin. Isaac laughed when he found out.
7. I have fabulous intentions and horrible follow-through.
8. I have to look at ALL of my choices before making a decision. I can't just go with something halfway down my list of choices. What if I liked something on the bottom half of the list better? Not knowing would kill me.
9. If I couldn't make lists to help me be organized, I'd go insane.
10. I often let my fear of new things get in the way of doing something new.
11. I LOVE magazines.
12. I still listen to Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill. And like it.
13. Going out to lunch is one of Sammy and I's favorite mommy / Sammy activities.
14. I'm fantastically bad at estimating. Especially time it takes to do something.
15. My preferred glass is a wine glass. For everything. It makes me feel fancy. And I have A LOT of them.
16. My favorite candy is Sweetarts. However, I can't eat them like I used to and I think that's sad.
17. I hate the feeling of having my arms above my head.
18. In my mind I'm a go with the flow, laid back, dirt between the toes, zen hippie. So pretty much the exact opposite of reality.
19. I love constant reassurance.
20. I think Joel McHale is the funniest person alive.
21. I get mean when I get tired.
22. I want: to take a pottery class, learn guitar, get involved in local politics, find local freelancing gigs, find nat'l freelancing gigs, read a book in a day again, blog lurkers to comment.
23. I want way more than I can have.
24. Cheesecake is the BEST thing ever invented. And caramel. Caramel cheesecake is orgasmic.
25. I still believe in wishes.
26. I hold people to super high standards.
27. I love fluffy romantic comedies. And get way too involved in sit-com people's romances.
28. I think Ethan Hawke may be the epitome of the perfect man. Although, he MAY have been eclipsed by Nathan Fillion lately. Seriously.
29. I prefer my Johnny Depp scruffy and dirty and think any woman who likes him clean shaven is lying.
30. I still want to be "popular".
31. I have a hard time believing in miracles.
32. I'm a cynic and a romantic, optimist and pessimist all wrapped together.
33. I don't usually know what is best or good for me.
34. I once tried to just throw the contents of my purse in my purse all messy because I hated how organized I always am and wanted to change. It didn't last a day.
35. I feel old. And finding my first gray hair last Thursday didn't help.
36. I still feel like I'm 25.
A song just for me:
(king tide, neil finn)
1. I have a secret obsession with What I Like About You. Yeah, not the song, the sit-com. Still tivo the reruns.
2. I can't stand scary things. Or even remotely scary things. Unsolved Mysteries? Murder She Wrote? The ridiculously scary movie my brother made me watch when I was just a wee child? All still haunt me.
3. I honestly believe I have the power to make everyone happy.
4. I think the praise of man (or woman) rocks a little too much.
5. I would HONESTLY rather stay home with Isaac than ever leave the house.
6. I have a secret crush on Alec Baldwin. Isaac laughed when he found out.
7. I have fabulous intentions and horrible follow-through.
8. I have to look at ALL of my choices before making a decision. I can't just go with something halfway down my list of choices. What if I liked something on the bottom half of the list better? Not knowing would kill me.
9. If I couldn't make lists to help me be organized, I'd go insane.
10. I often let my fear of new things get in the way of doing something new.
11. I LOVE magazines.
12. I still listen to Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill. And like it.
13. Going out to lunch is one of Sammy and I's favorite mommy / Sammy activities.
14. I'm fantastically bad at estimating. Especially time it takes to do something.
15. My preferred glass is a wine glass. For everything. It makes me feel fancy. And I have A LOT of them.
16. My favorite candy is Sweetarts. However, I can't eat them like I used to and I think that's sad.
17. I hate the feeling of having my arms above my head.
18. In my mind I'm a go with the flow, laid back, dirt between the toes, zen hippie. So pretty much the exact opposite of reality.
19. I love constant reassurance.
20. I think Joel McHale is the funniest person alive.
21. I get mean when I get tired.
22. I want: to take a pottery class, learn guitar, get involved in local politics, find local freelancing gigs, find nat'l freelancing gigs, read a book in a day again, blog lurkers to comment.
23. I want way more than I can have.
24. Cheesecake is the BEST thing ever invented. And caramel. Caramel cheesecake is orgasmic.
25. I still believe in wishes.
26. I hold people to super high standards.
27. I love fluffy romantic comedies. And get way too involved in sit-com people's romances.
28. I think Ethan Hawke may be the epitome of the perfect man. Although, he MAY have been eclipsed by Nathan Fillion lately. Seriously.
29. I prefer my Johnny Depp scruffy and dirty and think any woman who likes him clean shaven is lying.
30. I still want to be "popular".
31. I have a hard time believing in miracles.
32. I'm a cynic and a romantic, optimist and pessimist all wrapped together.
33. I don't usually know what is best or good for me.
34. I once tried to just throw the contents of my purse in my purse all messy because I hated how organized I always am and wanted to change. It didn't last a day.
35. I feel old. And finding my first gray hair last Thursday didn't help.
36. I still feel like I'm 25.
A song just for me:
(king tide, neil finn)
same, same!
all about me
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Huh.
So Sammy hasn't thrown up since that time in San Diego that all three of us had the stomach flu. I think he was 14-16 months at the time? So, it's been a while. And I don't say this to brag, even though I AM thankful for this tender mercy...I say it to put the following story in the right context.
Friday we had lunch at our favorite place. Sammy got a huge lemonade and, as he's wont to do, tanked it. It gave him MASSIVE hiccups, which is also not unusual. A few minutes later we're both up in the family room, me checking email and he, in his tent playing. I hear nothing, but a few minutes later, Sammy says, "Mommy, there's water all over my hand.". I'm baffled. Where'd the water come from? Water? What? He comes out of his tent and, sure enough, there's water all over him. So I ask where it came from / what happened?
Sammy: "I was just sitting in my tent and a bunch of water came out of my mouth." (all the while, mouth wide open and pointing inside)
It FINALLY dawns on me what happened, that he must have hiccuped his lemonade up. I tear off his tent and, sure enough, his sleeping bag is covered in puke. He still has NO idea what happened and keeps asking me why the water came out of his mouth. I'm trying to not laugh and I call Isaac to come up to help clean the tent while I clean up Sammy, but my boy. He really had no clue and just calmly kept pointing in his mouth saying, "The water...from my mouth...it came out...the water...in my mouth."
So, I cleaned him up and tried my best to explain throwing up to him. I'm sure it's not a conversation most parents have to explain without some strong visualization...
Music that seems appropriate today:
(growing old, the origin)
Friday we had lunch at our favorite place. Sammy got a huge lemonade and, as he's wont to do, tanked it. It gave him MASSIVE hiccups, which is also not unusual. A few minutes later we're both up in the family room, me checking email and he, in his tent playing. I hear nothing, but a few minutes later, Sammy says, "Mommy, there's water all over my hand.". I'm baffled. Where'd the water come from? Water? What? He comes out of his tent and, sure enough, there's water all over him. So I ask where it came from / what happened?
Sammy: "I was just sitting in my tent and a bunch of water came out of my mouth." (all the while, mouth wide open and pointing inside)
It FINALLY dawns on me what happened, that he must have hiccuped his lemonade up. I tear off his tent and, sure enough, his sleeping bag is covered in puke. He still has NO idea what happened and keeps asking me why the water came out of his mouth. I'm trying to not laugh and I call Isaac to come up to help clean the tent while I clean up Sammy, but my boy. He really had no clue and just calmly kept pointing in his mouth saying, "The water...from my mouth...it came out...the water...in my mouth."
So, I cleaned him up and tried my best to explain throwing up to him. I'm sure it's not a conversation most parents have to explain without some strong visualization...
Music that seems appropriate today:
(growing old, the origin)
same, same!
Sammy
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