Walking on the Spot

Picking a favorite Finn song is a darn near impossibility. My love for all things Neil is deep and true. However. I do love this song a ridiculous amount.

I can't remember the first time I heard it. I'm assuming college. Sadly, I never really listened to it until a few years ago. It was always a song I skipped over in favor of others. And then, one day, I listened. And then I skipped back and listened again. And then I kicked myself for not embracing it sooner. What a fabulous song, even if it doesn't make my Finn top ten.


(crowded house, walking on the spot)

Oo Oo Oo, Who's That Kid...

I'm a fan of pop culture. Always have been. What I've been pondering lately, however, is why one thing becomes a pop culture touchstone and something else does not. For example: The Smurfs. Everyone knows the smurfs. But what about The Snorks? Aren't they just as worthy? Or Fraggle Rock. Pop culture nirvana for the hipsters. Monchichis, not so much. But why? They ARE oh so soft and cuddly.

What are your favorite nuggets of lost pop culture? Things you wish has more relevance in everyone's life? Mine are the Monchichis. I think we should start a comeback campaign...

Music:
(a house, call me blue) - totally worth the click over...

*I very much credit Sammy for this post when he inadvertently dressed up as a snork...

New Life

I don't regret any words written about my divorce. I stand by all of them. I also don't think it's a great mystery that what you see here are mere bits and pieces of a past as they pertain to the story. I've been fairly transparent with that fact, as well. But there IS more to the story. There is always more to the story...

I regretted my first marriage shortly after it happened. It was something I didn't even dare to think for awhile and something I tried to stifle when I did think about it. And then, nine months in, I was at work and my former best friend walked into my place of employment. The simple act of him waltzing in after no contact for months, that sloppy smile of his and the enthusiastic greeting, telling me he had moved to town, and my heart getting caught in my throat, betrayed my feelings. I was so far from being over him and had rushed getting married as a way of 'fixing' that particular problem. I couldn't hide that anymore. Oh, man, I loved him. My ex paled in comparison to my FBF and, truthfully, it was a completely unfair fight. One he didn't know he was even fighting. Still. That wasn't the end. At least, not really.

I knew I was wrong. I knew loving someone other than my husband and MORE than my husband could only lead to heartache. I knew that if I left my husband, my FBF wasn't going to suddenly want to marry me. That was the one clear fact. I knew I was less than the whole wife my husband deserved. So I tried. Contact with the best friend was spotty at first and then gone, again, sometime later. I tried again to be in my marriage, be present, be involved. But, I think, there was always a little part of me that had checked out with the opening of that store's door that never fully returned.

When Isaac and I were dating, I confronted all of this. I needed to be sure that I wouldn't repeat the past. Just before Isaac and I broke up the first time, I (completely unaware to me) moved to the same town as my FBF. Months after, I ran into him one day at the mall and, just like years before, it stopped me cold. I feared that no one would live up to his place in my mind. I feared I would never be able to move on and fully love someone else. I fretted all the way home and spent the next while trying to sort everything out. And then I realized something. I DID - already - love someone else. There WAS someone else out there that not only measured up, but exceeded the FBF in my mind. The sad part was that this someone had broken up with me just a few months prior and we weren't speaking to one another. I had never missed Isaac so much as I did during that time; never prayed so hard that he would come back to me. If I had been a smart woman, I would have apologized for my misguided anger then and there and not gone through the period of dating my ex again, but...I was firmly holding on to my pride and decided to brood and miss him from afar instead.

One thing I've always been grateful for was doing the work I needed to do before Isaac and I got married. A lot of the problems in my first marriage were not of my doing. But, clearly, some of them were. I was not perfect in that relationship. I was also not a victim. Isaac and I's engagement was spent discussing the hard stuff, my failings and regrets. My fears and truths. There was enough there to do and to decide that I'm forever relieved that my FBF was no longer one of those issues we had to deal with. I had found love, for the right reasons. I had found my current and always best friend and I honestly believe that is what has made all the difference this time around.

Music I'm reclaiming:

(new order, regret)

Today

I wish everyone who doesn't think my house gets dirty could come by and see it now. It's...dirty. Chunks on the floor that need to be swept and vacuumed. Dusting to get to. Dishes everywhere. Sunday's dinner still strewn across the bar. Clothes to be put away from a week ago. We were hit with a wicked cold last week and functioning became base, at best.

I wish I could blame the state of things on illnesses all the time. How easy would that be? But the truth is that my house is like this often. Even without the illnesses. I get caught up in things and my strict organization goes by the wayside. I acknowledge that my messy is MANY people's clean, but...still. I think more of the problem lies in the fact that I haven't developed clearly defined systems for this house, yet. I had them honed for our old house, but this one...not so much. Moving in around the holidays put some of that on hold.

So, from here on out, some systems. I do one load of laundry / day. That works well for us and gives me a couple of days a week that I don't have any to do. But clean clothes tend to get dumped on our bedroom floor and sorted / put away once a week on a good week. I need to find something better for that, first and foremost. I need to set up given days for dusting, vacuuming and mopping and bathrooms. Menu planning happens every two weeks and so far that's working well. Shopping is every Monday and instead of going first thing in the morning, I've switched stores and take Sammy with me to a new to us store that has small carts for toddlers to use. He so very much loves that.

The thought behind all of this is that everything (including me showered / ready) will be done by 11 am so the rest of the day is free for whatever. I like being free for whatever. I think Sammy does, too.

Love, today:

(love today, mika)

Organic Random

We just watched Food, Inc. What a fabulously sobering documentary; an absolute must watch for every American that eats. I realize I'm a little late with this one, but I knew the second we watched it, the last remaining gasps of our 'traditional' diet would die a sudden, painful death. I was right. Neither of us want to eat anymore...

I've mentioned before about my on going quest for healthier eating: more organic, more local, etc. But now...now I want to do more. I want to get involved, somehow, with this movement. I'm looking into things today to see what I can do in my own neighborhood to bring awareness to this, even more than people already know.

Isaac and I planned out some family goals yesterday that include no grocery store shopping all summer. I think this is totally doable. With our freezer full of grass fed organic meat (we're not even half way through our 1/4 of a cow) and information on a CSA for other organic meat (pork, lamb, turkey, chicken), our dairy and eggs being delivered from a local farm and the farmer's market to supplement produce that we can't grow ourselves this summer, it should be easy to stay out of the store. Before then, I'll make sure I'm completely stocked on flour, sugar, beans and yeast and the experiment will begin.

I realize we're completely blessed to live in a place where local access is so readily available. I get that. Produce of every kind is so plentiful here in the summer and is a definite boon to helping me can for the winter. Which is our second goal. I need to redirect our grocery budget through the summer to items I can can and to restock our meat supply. Next year around this time we'll reassess what we did and tweak what didn't work.

I'm so excited to start.

Music:

(the farm, all together now)