20

Someone posted on facebook that today markes exactly 20 years since my graduation from high school. 20 years! Sometimes I don't remember high school at all and other times I feel I was just there. The one thing I do remember, however, is how very much I hated it.

We were planning on attending the reunion, there are a few people I wouldn't mind seeing, but as I thought about it, the more twitchy I felt. I started feeling sick about going. I just couldn't face going...but I had already told the only two I really wanted to see that I would be there. And then one said she wouldn't be able to come. And the other emailed me and said she was having second thoughts - nearly identical thoughts I was having - and wanted to make sure I would be there. When I admitted that, well, no. I wasn't, she audibly sighed. It was exactly what she wanted to hear so she could safely not go herself.

We then talked of life and love and relationships. We talked about how we both love where we are, now. We talked about how many things have changed, but how we were both worried that going back, too many things would be the same. High school was not kind to either of us. High school took us in and messed us up. High school squeezed the life from us and, as long as we stay away, we are confident, accomplished women. But we are both terrified that going back, we would revert back to feeling the unsure, sniveling 16 year old girls being intimidated by the world around us. We like where we are. We like who we are. We can't go back.

So I'm not going. But my friends? I will be seeing them soon. And that will be lovely.


(when will i be famous - bros)

Tuesday. Rolling with the Miscellaneous.

*I had a rare treat yesterday. Sammy was done with everything by early afternoon and I took the opportunity of him watching Cars 2 (and, well, it being hot and not having a lot to do) to actually sneak upstairs and watch a movie. I watched My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, which I had very small expectations for. I really liked it, though. Not the greatest acting, though I really do love Christopher Gorham, but the ending was refreshing.

*I started writing again.

*We have foamy stuff on our strawberries. A quick search says it's most likely spittlebugs. Which Isaac thinks sounds like something from Sesame Street. The pictures don't look nearly as cute, however.

*I really hate the phrase "Onward and upward". REALLY. I get twitchy when I hear it and kinda like I wanna punch someone.

*Almost as bad is "it is what it is". What a stupid (sorry, Sammy!) thing to say. Really, really stupid if you think about it.

*I mentioned to Sammy that we didn't have computers growing up. Too bad Sammy's head exploded...

*I need a great book. Something not terribly heavy, but still good and worth my time. I keep failing on my own! Suggestions?

*Wanna see what I just ordered? These. Beautiful, right? I'm pretty excited to pair them with a maxi skirt...

*Sammy wants a pinata for his birthday. I'm slightly anti, but not so much that I couldn't be persuaded. However, all I can see is Funniest Videos material dancing before my eyes. Thoughts?

*Sammy and I made up a song about a bee the other day on the way to the store. It's ridiculous and consists of the bee needing to pee because he's full of nectar. The really funny part is how Sammy has latched on and sings it all the time and has described, in detail, the bee he sees in his head. My boy is pretty silly...


(my ever changing moods, paul weller)

Monday Miscellany

*I'm trying not to be sad that I was supposed to be in New York last weekend. I'm REALLY trying to forget that little tidbit. Because I'm oh so sad I wasn't really there.

*We have a quick family get away coming up. I just checked the weather. There MIGHT be snow. Oh.Dear.Heaven. I'm not looking forward to that part, really. I WAS looking forward to shopping and hot tubs and I'm afraid I'm going to have to trade them in for a coat and hot chocolate...

*I've planted some black cherry tomatoes. I'm really looking forward to late fall salads topped with those.

*My brother is getting married in a couple of weeks which will kick off some ridiculous summer craziness in our life. Most of which I'm really looking forward to (BBQs, Summerfest) and some, well...not so much (Sammy wants to try soccer).

*I went to see What To Expect... with my sister in law last weekend. I have sincere mixed feelings on the matter. Most I firmly blame on hormones, of course! It was funny. I love Elizabeth Banks and she was adorable (and true!). It was funny and silly and just the right amounts of...whatever. But I didn't expect to start bawling halfway through at the complexities and harshness of the reality of not being able to have another kid. It was a freaking rom-com, for crying out loud! And then, there was a C-section / emergency sequence that I couldn't catch my breath on as the tears fell. Apparently not so over it all. Which always catches me by surprise.

*I'm still trying to figure out what floppy hats I want to get for the summer. As the aforementioned holypalooza is getting close, I need to figure it out soon. I think a trip south to shop may be in order. Soon. Any takers for company? :)

*And, consider this your yearly ritualistic notice. So You Think You Can Dance: t-minus 4 days!

*I read this last week and have so much I could say about it. But I don't know how to frame it properly, yet.


(crowded house, in my command)