Thing the First: I try not to weigh in politically. Other than in the safety of my home. Usually. Because I feel I'm not going to make anyone "change sides" and I also hope that most are just making decisions based on life experiences and knowledge and leave it at that. And, well, I'm a lone liberal democrat in a sea of republican conservatives, so there is that. But this video below? I love. This issue is so very important to me and huge in my life and the way it's being treated frightens me to my core. The fact that the majority of the right (as in candidates/law makers) are so extreme in their views and not really wanting, um, WOMEN to have input, is frightening. I'm less concerned about the coverage of birth control via insurance and more concerned about the basic women's health issues that are being warred against. And this article? Brilliant. It very much is an issue, whether we want it to be one or not, and we need to stand up!
Thing the Second: I had a super disappointing thing happen on Sunday. In the grand scheme of life, it was tiny. I get that. But I still wanted to throw a fit and have people rally around me and be just as mad about it. Which I did. Unabashedly. I rallied the troops and cried and pouted. And...I felt foolish. Because it IS a silly thing to be upset about, in the grand scheme. But upset I am. So many say I'm completely real, here. And, well, I think you all are full of it, but in that spirit, I want to share why I was/am upset. Get ready to shake your heads in disappointment.
We each have callings (responsibilities) in my church. My current (former?) one is my favorite. I love it very much. And not only that? I'm GOOD at it. Darn good. And I don't say that in a prideful way at all. I'm that good at very little, but with this thing? I'm so very good. And appreciated. And it's being taken away. For something I deem "lesser" (which, yes, I know...my incorrect issue - there is no "lesser"). I came home feeling demoted and unappreciated. I said things I'm sure I shouldn't have. But the thing I couldn't say into the air? They are taking away the one thing I truly love about Sundays.
I'm having such a difficult time with church right now and this was the one thing I knew I was good at and could look forward to and now? I have no desire to even go. Which, I KNOW is not the answer. But it sounds heavenly, I won't lie, to just stop trying to fit my square peg into this very round hole every week. I'm having a tough time finding my spot and trying to keep finding my spot. I'm having a tough time making (and most importantly!) keeping friends. There are women there that I KNOW are my trial. There are people I thought were my friends that don't speak to me any more, now that they have been released of their obligation to do so. And (are you ready for a whole LOT of crazy half baked judgement?) I feel I have a lot to offer and am being overlooked for some that...well... (I know, I know...you don't have to say it. I'm not proud).
And before someone gives me a sermon on pride, I KNOW. I do. But that doesn't change how I feel. It doesn't make Sundays easier. It doesn't make me cling to my friends I DO HAVE THERE any less. It doesn't make me hide behind Isaac any less. It doesn't make me wonder about who I am at the very core, less. Or wish that I could hand pick my congregation full of friends who love me. Or...I don't know. I'm just sad I lost my place. And I'll keep trying to smile and be friendly and get to know people, because that's who I am. And I'm here for the long haul, so it's also who I NEED to be. But I can't promise that I'll be all sunshine and roses about it soon.
(eve 6, inside out)