I often wonder where the notion that you aren't 'supposed' to, or are afraid to, say what you truly want out loud comes from. I look at my five year old and he has zero problems stating his desires loudly for all to hear. Where, in adulthood, does that stop?
Part of my fearing less is going to be learning how to state what I truly desire. It's difficult for me...I honestly have stopped doing that years ago and I don't know why. If I don't vocalize needs and desires, how on earth are they going to happen? Magically? The dream fairy? Nice, but I don't think so. Here's a few to start me off. Why does this feel so forbidden and scary?
So. Five things I want but never say I want:
New Year's Eve. I want to spend one of the next ones on the Oregon coast. Rental house in Cannon Beach, preferably.
I want to take a class on something I've always deemed "too silly/time consuming/past my prime for" to do, but have always really wanted. (see: archery, private investigating, pottery, salsa dance)
I want a massage. I've never had one. Like a real one. I used to get fake ones all the time from my former best friend, but that isn't what I'm talking about, here.
I want to host a summer party where kids are running around and food is endless and grown ups are chatting and lazing about and life is just...goooood.
I want more spontaneous hugs and kisses from my boys. For absolutely no reason (and reading this would count as "a reason". A-Hem). And love notes.
And a bonus one. I want to learn how to relax. I don't know how to do that without the help of a cabana boy bringing me endless drinks and a white sandy beach. So I really want someone to swoop in and teach me how to truly and well relax. I fear if I could learn that, a lot of my issues would be controllable as well.
(desire, gene loves jezebel)
16 clever comments:
aww..those are such small things! I wonder why they're hard for you to ask for.
Well, the Oregon trip is kind of a biggie. But totally doable.
~I took a pottery class when we first blended our families. It was a delightful distraction.
~I've had a real massage. And I have 2 gift certificates to get more. I have body image issues though, so it's hard for me to relax. I did enjoy the one I had though.
~The party with kids, food, relaxing happens here almost once a week. It's loud and crazy and wonderful. I highly recommend it.
~I'd like more of the no-reason hugs and kisses too. They're the sweetest.
I highly recommend a massage. And if someone like me can do it with all my body issues and relax, anyone can do it :) It helps to have it be someone you don't know and will never see again lol
I used to want to have those big parties. I used to think I wanted to have people in my house all the time since we never had too many people over as kids. But as I have gotten older, the desire for that has lessened as I have gotten used to having my house to myself and started to realize how much effort it takes to do that. Every now and then works though. I hope I can get back into liking it by the time my kids are older and want to have friends over all the time. I want that for them.
type and delete.
I guess the thing I'm afraid of is responding with a comment!
Trish - funny that I didn't think they were 'little' and I kinda know the why...
I have NO body issues in regards to the massage. I'm just too cheap. I nearly booked one in Park City last summer, but...
Sharon - and then I just fear it was something horrid and it kills me to know what!
aaaaand there's the circle.
I think if those are the things that you are afraid to say? What the heck are you too afraid to ever ask for? Those are small things.
And then I think that there isn't too much that would fall into that category for me. I can really only think of one thing that I don't ever really talk about what I'm really truly thinking so I must just bug the living daylights out of you.
Why would that bug me? It's different than I, not wrong.
I feel I ask for SO MUCH from my family. Every day. The last thing I would do is ask for something else. And though they seem small to some, they don't seem small to me.
Because you are one of the people that I ask for things from. From whom I ask for things. Whom forenza from asking things who. Or something.
Oh, gosh no. I do not mind people asking things OF me at all. Esp. people I love. Not even the same in my head.
And I'm pretty sure it's whom forenza from asking things who. I'm almost certain.
I LOVE massages. So worth it. But I get the too cheap thing. I always go through my chiropracter cause I get a discount on it. Oh, and ask them not to talk. I really hate it when I'm trying to relax and they want a conversation.
and I would totally take a salsa dance class with you! In a few weeks that is. :)
They try to talk? During a massage? Esh. Where do you go? Is it at your chiro's office?
There's a place in town that teaches it. So fun! I think we should do it.
Love Cannon Beach, but why New Year's Eve? Just curious.
Love your list of classes. I want to take a private investigating class with you.
I have absolutely no desire for a professional massage. The whole idea oogs me out for some reason.
What's keeping you from hosting a summer party? I imagine you are a fabulous hostess.
Your boys need to get on that one stat. Note to Isaac: wait a few days before you start with the "spontaneous"-ness.
I don't know if I could teach you how to relax, but I could sure give you a few tips on lazy!
I really want my husband to bring me flowers or some other small, inexpensive, meaningful gift for no reason other than that he was thinking of me, but if I ask for it then it seems to defeat the purpose. Poor guy can't win.
Ditto on the relaxing problem. Only my problem is that when I finally convince myself to relax I continue to wrestle with a sense of guilt about all the other things I could/should be doing and it lessens the enjoyment.
Definitely take a class and get a massage (gift from the hubby would assuage the expense problem)and heck, while you're at it, start planning the vacation! Carpe Diem!
Joe bought me a massage 3 years ago for my birthday and I still have the gift card in my purse, to scared to use it. I've never had one either.
We've done the summer picnic, very fun. The day after school ended for the summer each kid invited 2 friends and their families over for a barbecue and it was perfect.
Lbs - I ADORE Oregon during the holidays. But we don't really want to go anywhere during Christmas while Sammy's young. So...NYE it is!
I WISH we could take that class together!
Summer party = not even slightly done yard. We need to finish the back yard with fire pit and places to sit, first.
I think I have a handle on lazy, sadly...
Christin - that is EXACTLY it. You don't want to ask, because then it's not heart felt, but you want the heart felt. It's an impossible situation!
And vacation planning is in the works. Just, not Cannon Beach.
Holly - that DOES sound perfect! And is the cert. still valid? Would that help with your arthritis? Maybe if you looked at it that way, it's less scary? (It was worth a shot!)
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