This week was all about this: Sammy lost his first tooth. Too bad you can't really tell since the new one is already in... He asked for the tooth fairy NOT to come, but to trade in the money he would have gotten for legos. Smart kid. No creepy fairy, but legos? Good trade.
I think blogging consistently through the week does something. While it's not my ENTIRE mood, I think it gives a snapshot of my over-arching mood of the week. And if that's true? My mood this week is GROUCHY. Which is funny, because I don't think I'm really grouchy.
My week has been full of friends (which I need to learn to shut up around, more!) and board games (Isaac trounced us in Sorry last night). Fresh lamb pitas (mmmmmm), Sammy loosing his first tooth (or having it gently yanked from his head), miles of orange sticks eaten, this year's photo books done (only 6 months late!), time to watch guilty British tv and a tiny bit of snow (more, please!). A good week. Sure, there's been annoying things - bad service, someone making a boneheaded decision masked in false fluffiness, my chiro bruising my back during an adjustment, a doctor trying to charge my insurance for a free consultation, a messy house and Isaac busier than I'm used to at this time of year, but overall, it's a very benign week.
We're looking forward to this weekend. We finally have some plans, some of which I hope turn into tradition and some just for fun. Come Sunday I can finally tear into my presents and spend the day reading the books Isaac got me for Christmas. Ooops! I mean *allegedly* got me...Sammy is out of school for a couple of weeks, so no scurrying to school (yay!), Christmas decorations come down in less than a week and I get my house back, not to mention getting to strip Sammy of his Christmas playlist (he now knows the words to every Christmas song EVER made and some I swear that aren't!) and replace them in my mind with real music. So things are good. Really. No, I swear! No matter what my posts seem like.
I've never been one to follow the trends. I would say it's because we didn't grow up with money, but...I had a little snippets growing up: the odd banana clip collection. Pegging my pants. An awesome back V sweater in a deep emerald green with large hot pink polka dots. It was so very...well, awesome. But the occasional stumbles into trendy were few and far between. Beyond that were the name brands. I had the few pieces of Ocean Pacific. A random Benetton bag. Man. I LOVED that bag. But it was mostly a cry for high school attention more than anything else.
A month or so ago, my sister and I were talking about someone we both know. This person is ALL about name brands, the 'best' of everything and appearances. Which is not how I would like to live my life, but...no skin off, right? We started talking about it, though, because we believe this person actively feels sorry for us for not being the same.
I don't get the obsession over brands. I really never have. Sure, there are brands I love, but they aren't necessarily the "trendy" ones. We buy Subarus because of the environmental and safety ratings. We have a Britax car seat because of the safety rating - not because it's trendy. Other than that, I can't think of anything else. Our clothes are mostly bought on clearance, excepting a few pieces here and there. And, as we've seen when we sold our old house, I usually wimp out of buying even the brands I convince myself I want (I'm looking at you, Kate Spade!). I'm much more focused on quality and comfort and it LOOKING GOOD - no matter where it's from. I often wish I could thrift, which is a quality I admire in my sister and several friends, but my OCD gets in the way. And this is the thing that I believe this person chooses not to understand. That we actively choose this for our lives - not to be obsessed with the latest and greatest. As much as it's a choice for them to be appearance obsessed. I've heard a lot of things from them that makes me shake my head and realize that they believe we're less than. That if we could only see the light, we'd be just as they are.
I do not want a life where I chase the latest and greatest. I don't want a kid who has to have a certain thing to make his life worth living. I don't want the debt - emotionally and financially - that comes with being appearance obsessed. I choose this life for a reason and it's because I believe it will bring me much more peace and happiness. I want to be loved for me, not for things. I want to have friends that are solid and not superficial.
I don't get being brand obsessed. I don't get putting SO MUCH emphasis on the 'correct' appearance. Whatever that may be, since it seems so subjective. And I really don't understand bringing up your kids with the example of looking down on others who don't 'look right' or have the 'right' things. Why not stop that and be kind and gracious and LOVELY instead? Because people who are appearance and brand obsessed are rarely lovely people, I've found.
I said my word took me unexpected places this year. The possessions thing was expected, honestly. I can see the logical flow of that conclusion. What I didn't expect, however, was the shift to my core and the change of thinking.
I set a couple of silent goals for this year. One was writing on this blog every M-F and the other was my week in pictures. Adding MORE seems a little counterproductive to simplicity, but for me it was all about writing and picture taking as a pathway to discovering who I really am and what I really hold dear. And I won't lie. It was TOUGH. Sometimes I was in a bad mood. Sometimes I felt repetitive. Most times I had to remind myself at the last second that I needed to look at life through the lens, more. Sometimes I simply blew it. But, I think it was ultimately good. I remembered that I can write and write daily. I had a lot of failed writing ventures, but even those taught me that I CAN do it, I just needed to make it a priority. But it also taught me that if I DON'T write, my world won't end. And for the first time in 37 years, I was ok with that. Which was very unexpected.
The most unexpected gift this year gave me, however, was the gift of truly growing up. I've feared it for so long - refused to think about it and railed again and again how horrible the prospect sounded. I shed ALL of that baggage this year and I feel more alive and well and centered than ever. I know who I am and I don't know why I fought convention or "grown-upedness" so long. I see people I know who fight against who they are, desperately wanting to be non-conformist until they die and I just want to tell them to relax. Be yourself! If some of you overlaps convention, embrace it. If some doesn't, embrace it. But you owe it to your life to figure it out. Simplicity comes so very naturally when you do.
I've shed expectations and people. I've become more calm, more knowing, more aware. I've embraced my LIFE - the good, the bad, the ugly. It may not be what I dreamed when I was 22, but it's mine and in some ways so much more rich than I expected. I can't believe how much more peace I feel this year than last. And I fully believe it's due to purposely slowing and shedding the notion that "warp speed busy" is the only acceptable speed for women. I have miles to go with this, I know I do, but I feel good with this path. For the first time in a LONG time, I feel at home on this path.
Meaningful. Simple. Purposeful. Rich. I opened my heart and let simplicity in. It was good. It was needed. It still IS.
Let's talk Christmas elves and the lying of Santa, shall we? I'm certain this MAY go down in history as my most controversial post and I think I can take it. I think.
When I was pregnant with Sammy, I noticed a trend that I had never noticed before. Before me was a host of mommies that felt deep guilt over the Santa myth. They couldn't believe they were lying to their kids and felt a lot of betrayal from their parents lying to them. At first, I brushed it aside and thought it silly. But then I noticed it more and more. And more. And, uh, more. And it hasn't stopped. And, given what I know about me, I feel I *should* be the same. But I'm not. I don't get the guilt. I don't get the "lying". At all. And I'm trying to figure out why.
Growing up, Christmas was a big deal. We never got things we needed; it was all about the wants. We weren't rich growing up, but Christmas was all about dreaming (Sears catalogs!) and hoping and wishing. I don't remember ever really being disappointed. Well, except for the fact that I asked for a locking cash box every year and never got one until a few years ago when Isaac took pity on me. But I digress...My point is that I don't know WHY I think this way, but we don't make a huge deal out of Santa. Sammy knows that the mall versions are helpers and not the real one. We NEVER tell him that Santa won't come if he's naughty (because I just think that's cheap emotional manipulation of your kid...I know of VERY few parents who would actually follow through on that threat). The focus is on the anticipation and giving to others. I rarely bring Santa up independently and maybe that's what is different in our house? I know of homes where the focus is ALL on Santa. Santa is the center of everything and I think that is just as wrong as telling your kid Santa is a lie. I truly believe that the middle ground is where the hope lies.
Yes, I know the real meaning of Christmas. My kid knows the real meaning of Christmas. But I also don't believe that Santa takes away from that in any way. In the real Santa story, service is paramount. And I believe, while the birth of Christ is being celebrated, a great way to celebrate that is through service to others. So while we get presents from Santa, we also try to focus on giving to others so when that time inevitably comes when Sammy know longer believes, we have a solid foundation to build on, telling him the true Santa story and why we give. That said...Sammy is completely excited for Santa. But I think he's most excited for the presents under the tree. We just don't...we don't focus on it. Sammy talks of Christmas, he's clearly anticipating Christmas, but we don't whip him up into a frenzy about it. He knows that life still goes on. He knows that he can be excited and can't wait to see his presents and talk about what they might be, but his list of wants is small and he'll be thrilled with whatever comes his way. We aren't a family that focuses on the latest and greatest (I don't even know what the trendy toys are and toys with batteries are banned from all but grandparents!) and Saturday, Sammy told me that he didn't care if it was little or medium or big, he would be happy just to get any legos from Santa (the man next to us clearly smiling at Sammy's declaration).
Now - elf shelves. I don't MIND them. I actually nearly got one before, when Sammy was a baby and it wasn't this huge "thing" it is now. But this year, I've been alerted to this, um, cult? of people who have taken this elf thing to whole new heights. It's a little creepy. And now, well, I'm really glad I never got one. Because as the years go on, I realize that it doesn't fit into what I believe, as mentioned above (the whole emotional manipulation, which, YES, I realize that you can play up the fun aspect and not the "he's watching you" part!). I know most people DON'T go overboard with their house elf (wait...if I could get DOBBY, maybe I'd change my mind!), but I think those that do really ruined it for me. It seems to me, again, that it takes the focus away from good and focuses on the materialism and greed that I'm trying rid our lives of. Instead of talking about the meaning and focusing on giving, you have an elf. Reminding you of YOUR presents. Which is completely opposite of how I view Santa and his mythology and how we try to 'spin' Christmas. And the elf is keeping the focus on, well, selfishness instead. At least that's how I see it.
