I'm sitting here heart sick. Some days I feel I'm surrounded by ugly behavior, many I'm related to, many I am not. And most days I feel the only sane one in a sea of crazy. Which, given my own set of crazy is saying something. I know how people get here, but I'm saddened when they do. By the parent who thinks teasing to the point of meanness and tears is appropriate. By the siblings who poke and poke and poke to the point of unfunny and abuse. By the people I've known forever who lets life turn them and rear the true colors of contempt and ugly. By those who know better but fail to do better.
I feel this year has been such a year of growing up for me. I've crossed some threshold of tolerance for the crazy in my life. I've spent time lately shedding the excess from facebook and twitter and blogs. I've hidden those I can't outright delete. I've deleted those I can. I've tried to employ the same "only those things of beauty or those I need" rule to the people I let into my life. Why do I waste time on people - related or not - that don't make me feel my best - more alive - better? That don't feel the need to elevate themselves to the plane they could be on...should be on? I already feel lighter. I already feel better. My feeds aren't clogged with the negative and the juvenile. With the passive aggressive and nit-picking. It's filled with those who are wanted and needed.
I'm old enough to know better, so I try to do better. I don't tease to the point of tears. I don't cloak barbs with false sincerity. I try to be elevated in word and thought. I don't always make it and I'm CERTAINLY a work in progress, but I'm trying. And this year I've come to realize that simplicity isn't something held for possessions only. Simplicity is a way of life in possession, in thought, in relationships. Ugly behavior isn't accepted in my life anymore. I have no need nor time for it. Life is fleeting and good. I don't want to sully it anymore than I have to.
(no stars, figures on a beach)
"By the parent who thinks teasing to the point of meanness and tears is appropriate. By the siblings who poke and poke and poke to the point of unfunny and abuse. "
ReplyDeleteThis part really screams at me this morning. My husband and my ex husband, both of whom are dear to me, have developed this kind of sense of humor lately and it pisses me off to no end. I'm sick of it. I call Roger on it now as soon as it starts. "You're not being funny. You're just being mean." Seems to be getting through to him.
But there was a big family rift a couple weeks ago between the ex and one of our daughters.
And my neighbor broke down in tears yesterday when I asked her how her Thanksgiving went with all her grown kids home for the holiday. The meanness ruined it for her too.
What is going on with this? I've never noticed it so much as I have just lately.
It's frustrating.
There are some people I really can't just cut from my life though. And wouldn't want to, in spite of this. But I won't stand idly by either.
ummm. Now I want stories. But that would be asking you to do something juvenile and immature. I'm so conflicted.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's easy. You know most of the stories. And the recent hidings I've done on Facebook. However, there's always Friday night to talk!
ReplyDeleteI have seen more of this ugly behavior over the past few years too. I wonder if it is due to some of the "humor" on tv and in movies? It always upsets me to see others hurt, but when I mentioned it I was told it was just a joke. Now I try to change the subject or move things along without pointing it out. It seems to work better. It is kind of like distracting a toddler instead of telling them "no".
ReplyDeleteMelanie - there are those I would never try to 'correct'. I know it would fall on deaf ears and not be taken in a great way. At all.
ReplyDeleteAs an extremely nonconfrontational kind of person, I do not do well dealing with this kind of stuff. It sounds like you have the right attitude about it. Sorry for the ugly. You don't deserve that.
ReplyDeletelbs - can I just take this opportunity to say that I miss you greatly? GREATLY. Ok. Stalker off, now.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me cry. I am so thankful to call you my friend. You know what I've been through this year with my in-laws and you know all about my son and his struggles.
ReplyDeleteI need to be better to myself and let go of people that hurt me and teach my kids to do the same.
Help me prune my Facebook!!!
I love you!
ReplyDeleteAnd....wheeee! A project! ;)