I know this is a recurring theme to my life, but I've decided that it never gets easier and never gets less confusing. No matter how often I seem to find myself here.
I have a couple of relationships that seem to have shifted lately. And not in a good way. I can't pinpoint it and, in one case, have had the person say nothing is wrong, but it's a feeling I cannot shake. They are changing. And I can feel myself slip into a very normal pattern, for me: analyze, dissect, pick apart and distance myself. Whether or not it has anything to do with me. Isaac also finds himself in a similar situation and I am finding I have to WORK at trying not to dig to see what is going on there. I need explanations. I need to see what really happened. I need, I need, I need...It's all very narcissistic, I realize.
However, I hate not knowing. If I AM right, I want to know why. Did I do something? Did I offend and not know it? Was I too loud / opinionated / brash / needy? And I pick. And alienate. Until the relationship is either explained and my concerns were validated or I push until there really is a rift.
The funny thing is, I have the other side playing out now, as well. I have a friendship that I'm trying to put a few qualifiers on - put some distance between. I don't want to sever the relationship, but the friendship isn't what it once was and I would rather downgrade it to 'super good acquaintance'. And then I feel badly because I hope I'm not asked about it in the way I want to ask. I hope it goes unnoticed and unexplained and is just very natural and benign. It's such a double standard: it's ok if I don't love you anymore, but heaven forbid you don't think I'm incredible until the end of time. Shameful, but true.
(absolutely still, better than ezra)
I am SO like that...
ReplyDeleteThat being said... I hope it's not me? It's because I talk to my cats isn't it? DANG!! I knew I should have listened to Zeke.
Isn't friendship complicated!! I love it but it's complicated sometimes. Especially when you hit it off great at the beginning and then find that perhaps you weren't the kindred spirits you thought you were. and then where do you go with that?? Book Club is always perfectly timed. Always.
ReplyDeleteThis is probably why I don't have a lot of friends. I can't handle the drama. I just want it to be fun and easy all the time and I don't want to deal with the awkward, unhappy moments.
ReplyDeleteHee! Yup, Lacy. It's was the cats. It was the real low point in the conversation! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, Lora. You speak the truth, my friend.
Christin - but wouldn't you miss the highest highs that come from close friendships, as well? I figure this is just what you have to deal with to get those friendships that ARE easy - the ones you cry with and laugh with and have forever. I don't know...
Maybe, but I just don't have the time or the energy for drama and difficulty right now. I've always had a lone wolf tendency anyway. I crave deep, lasting friendship, but don't seem to be able to achieve it and too many bad past experiences leave me with little motivation to try very hard.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me so sad!
ReplyDeletewv: vesswomy--has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was funny...
Oh. I hate that. I saw a friend the other day and we chatted for about 10 minutes and I felt like she was annoyed with me by the end of the conversation. I racked my brain for days trying to think what in the world I had said that would have upset her and couldn't come up with anything. I thought about asking her about it, but at the end of the day I decided not to because I felt sure that I hadn't said anything to justify her acting the way I was perceiving that she was acting and I decided to just chalk it up to her having a bad day, or being tired, or distracted because she was picking her kids up, or her cell phone rang, or any one of a million other things.
ReplyDeleteI think there are so many variables between two different people, with their different situations and their different personalities that you just can't worry too much about it. If it's a one time thing, I usually ignore it. If it continues then I think, either their friendship is important enough that I ask them about it, or it isn't and I move on.
If you have something to say to me, just say it! Sheesh!
ReplyDeleteTotally you, Lbs. It's because you haven't been blogging much lately; she feels e-snubbed...
ReplyDeleteE-snubbed...heh.
ReplyDeleteYeah. Totally you, lbs...I'm mad I dreamed you moved to my neighborhood and was pissed when I woke up and it wasn't true...
And Sharon, I was going to try and remember to use vesswomy in a sentence at book club but I forgot...sad.