*I tried on two pair of Frye boots this past weekend. DID not expect the result. I was expecting to love them so much, I walked out of the store with them on. Instead? Really kinda hated them. They were tough and uncomfortable (not to mention I needed nearly 2 sizes bigger for them to fit!). Cross that one off the "have wanted for years" list...
*Isaac has noticed I'm gravitating toward more feminine clothing choices. Tiny florals. More flouncy jewelry. Scarves (seriously? How much do I want this? It's so very me right now...) Things of that nature. I find myself coveting her style and her style, more and more. I'm still mulling what this all means.
*I picked up a couple of new books this week. Time for Dinner and The Family Dinner. Can you love books so much you want to marry them?
*In related news, I got my heirloom seed catalog this week. And I may have squealed in delight. No, seriously. Who am I?
*I am, lately, noticing that we didn't take a real vacation this year. I'm feeling EXTREMELY cooped up and anxious. And real vacation 2011 is still nearly a year away. Sad.
*I just ordered new business cards. They have cute owls on them. I kinda hate myself that they have cute owls on them...
I've been reading a thread on a forum I sometimes frequent that turned into a conversation on asking for help. I read with interest because, quite honestly, that is an area I struggle in greatly. It was interesting to see that many other people, while having NO problems helping, would never ask for help. I am one of those. It was even more interesting to read about how people feel slighted by those of my ilk. That they WANT to help, but continually being told no was hurtful and in some cases altering to the relationship.
My family is not particularly close. Some of us are more than others, some of us aren't. It's not good or bad, just the way it is. We were raised to be independent and self supporting. (For this reason, I find it funny that six of us live within two hours of one another, with my little brother making plans to live here soon. Hilarious, people!) I'm not even sure if one of my sisters realizes I've moved. Well, she probably does, but has never been here. I'm not even sure if she ever came to my old house and I couldn't even BEGIN to tell you the last time I saw her. And she lives...20? minutes away. I don't particularly think it's weird, we're pretty polar opposite and have never been close. She got married when I was 7, so I don't really know her. I don't say this to, well, anything. Just stating facts. We were raised to help others, but take care of ourselves. To leave the nest and find more happiness than my parents had. Not necessarily to cultivate help. Even from family. Not that we don't, when we need to, though. None of these things are BAD, but...
In light of the thread I was reading, I have to wonder. Is there a better balance out there? I declined all meals after Sammy was born. There were people willing to help and I shot them all down. I believed we could take care of ourselves and the help should go to others worse off (seriously, though, who was worse off? I had nearly died and was in ICU and I was waving people off like I had a hangnail. One of my great regrets, the way I treated those surrounding me trying to help after I had Sammy. I cannot adequately convey how deep I regret things I did the last year-ish in San Diego). I OFTEN wave away help. I insist on doing it all myself, sucking in my hurting and struggles, thinking I'm doing such a grand gesture for those who need more. But, now? I don't know. Am I really making a grand gesture? Or am I missing opportunities for others to serve and forge greater relationships, both those already connected and those I could have? I wonder if in my quest for self-sufficiency, I am closing doors to the very opportunities I pray for, repeatedly. And now I REALLY wonder if I have altered, consciously or not, relationships in ways that are less than.
Is there a way to be self reliant and take care of yourself while still allowing help from the outside? If you let in help from the outside, does that make you look weak and where is the line between help and draining on people's nerves? I have always wanted to look as though I could do it all. I wanted to be the one to have it all together and seem 'tough'. But now? Now, I want balance. And to open up and let opportunities come my way. If I just knew how.
This morning, a funny video is supposed to be here:
Yeah, I know. Right? Not so much. So let me sum up...We, along with everyone else in the universe, may be slightly addicted to Angry Birds (or Mad Birds, as Sammy calls it). Isaac and I stayed up the other night passing the iPod back and forth taking turns playing. My kind of date night...
Anyway. Sunday, Isaac, without my knowledge, taught Sammy how to play the real live version, complete with blocks (you know, because we TRY to keep his iPod playing down a little!). Yesterday, I got out of the shower and Sammy calls for me to come to his room. He has his blocks all set up and says, "Look, Mommy! Angry Birds!" and starts shooting the towers with other blocks, knocking them down. I thought it was hilarious. Slightly less so when I realized it wasn't his true creation, but still. Funny. So I grabbed the video camera. And film. And transfer it to the computer. And try to upload it. And...there is no footage. Sad. Because it was funny. And I really wanted the world to see. So imagine it here:
Oooooooo. We clearly should get these and these to complete the real live version. Man. Too bad my Christmas shopping is done!
I love a good burger. Seriously one of my favorite foods. A good burger is a little slice of heaven and one of the meals I can eat any day, any time. We have found several burger places that we love, all over the country, but during Friday's poll, I was reminded of one of our favorites. In Hillsboro, Oregon, there is a little hole in the wall tavern calledHelvetia Tavern. I went for the first time for a work lunch and then made Isaac go back again and again over the next couple of years before we moved. Picture a really HORRIBLE restaurant. One with an inexplicable love of trucker hats hanging from the wall and ceiling. Shudder slowly, order and then drool over the food thrown in front of you. One of the best burgers you will ever eat. Gooey, oozy, flavorful. Fries still greasy from cooking, salted, perfect. Pickles (sorry, Sharon!) on the side. Seriously good food.
San Diego was all about In N Out four year gorgefest and luckily, since we've moved here, we've been surrounded by really good burgers. After a particularly long day on Saturday, I wanted nothing but a fat burger. I called in an order to my favorite place and got a, well, a got a gyro, but still! Isaac had his favorite burger and we had plenty of fries to go around (with fry sauce, of course...) and zucchini sticks. It's amazing how a favorite burger joint can sooth a long day. Mmmmm. Burgers. I just wish I was near Helvetia right about now.
