Miscellany

*Our next book club pick is Some Girls - My Life in a Harem by Jullian Lauren. I didn't read last month's pick (therefore, no review) since I was SUPPOSED to be at U2 last night.

*Completely bummed we weren't at U2 last night. Completely bummed. Though I'm hoping the rescheduled date next year is for a night that's, uh, warmer...

*If you were going on a girl's weekend with your oldest friends and HAD to choose one of these three cities to meet in, which would it be and why: Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco or (bonus) a condo on the Oregon coast (knowing I may never return home)?

*Isaac is working his day off this week (switched days really, because of some obligations) and I am surprised at HOW OFF MY GAME this has made me. And thoroughly bummed.

*I'm trying to decide between a Kindle and a Nook. I've handled both and am leaning toward the Nook. Any thoughts either way?

*Dill flavored cashews are HEAVENLY and I may be a little addicted. Seriously.

*So You Think You Can Dance is back. HEAVEN.

*I have way too much to do today and I'm procrastinating it all by sitting here with this list. I'm so very good at that...(and now you see why it takes me years to get one chapter in a book done!)

*Justin what's his name (Barber? Bierber? Barbar?) was on the Today Show this morning. In a sign I'm VERY, VERY old (or just musically superior!:)) my jaw dropped at his suckiness. Really? This is the big thing? The top trending thing on Twitter? Really? I don't get it.

*I want to rearrange my family room and I fear it may happen soon. Should I paint, as well? Project for next week?

*
(1 in 10, cameron rafati)

Because I Feel the Need To Document

Our yard is going to be a HUGE project that will take the next several years to complete. Especially since our first fence estimate came in and it was for $6000. I'm thinking we HAVE to be able to do better than that! So, for now, here are some befores (well, minus the three hours worth of weeds pulled Monday):



(these are standing in our front yard, looking out to our side yard (and the lot next to us)

(side yard)

(front yard, the other way, including the ONE strip of weed block we laid down Monday)

(and, um, my pretty chairs. just because these pics are depressing, otherwise!)

The goal this summer: weeds pulled, weed cover laid, trees (one apple for the front, one cherry for the side) bought and transplanted in fall, fence priced and ready to go either late summer or next spring, lilacs planted in fall.

Next summer: fence up, garden boxes started, concrete additions (extending the porch, driveway and park strip) priced out and done.

Left after that: porch swing, the rest of the garden boxes, decking in the back yard, clothesline and everything else I've forgotten!


(come undone, duran duran)

Sammalamma Random Stream of Consciousness

My kid is crazy. He is also tall (4 feet!). I cannot believe he will be four in two months. He is starting to read and spell and can write his name. His vocabulary is "ridiculous" (to quote one of his favorite words) and crazy big; never meeting a word he doesn't immediately ask the definition and put into rotation. He loves bowling, but not nearly as much as he loves playing Mario with Daddy. Or doing ANYTHING with Daddy, actually. He is crazy independent and timid all at once. My sister said the other day that Sammy is the MOST stubborn kid she has ever seen. Which, trust me, is saying something. She knows a lot of kids. And a lot of stubborn. He is super tender hearted and wants everyone to love him. He sees the good in everything and calls everyone his friend. If something is difficult for him, he simply says "this is kind of tricky" instead of saying "I can't" and that may be my most favorite thing about him. He just graduated up a size in puzzles. He is full of hugs and kisses and I Love Yous. He's the biggest right fighter I've ever seen and while that makes me crazy happy, to know he's following in my shoes where personal responsibility and dependence is concerned, I also know what kind of difficulties lie ahead for him and worry. We spend our days and nights spelling everything for him and explaining everything to him. He wants to know the whys and hows and ins and outs of everything. He is so accepting. His laugh is so infectious - well, his REAL laugh, which isn't given freely. He is the best of kids; a kid among kids. I so rarely have to supervise him doing anything "notoriously toddler-ish" because he is just that trustworthy. I shouldn't laugh when he gets exasperated and sighs, but I do. Or when he tells me, "That is not a good choice, Mommy. That is not a choice at all". He's very exacting. Very precise. This week started a) his first real chore (aside from picking up toys) of making up his bed. Which has turned out to be an exercise in patience for me! and b) his first trip to the store with his OWN money where HE had to make decisions of what to buy or not. Seeing his excitement at having "10 BUCKS!" and deciding between choices was glorious. He is the only kid I know who will turn down sweets if he isn't hungry or truly doesn't want what is offered. He's loving and kind. He will put himself to bed when tired. He reminds us of the right things to do. He always asks before touching something or doing something new. His favorite thing to say when he messes up or says something wrong is, "It's just a joke...". He loves singing and making up songs. He loves dancing. He loves watching Tom and Jerry. He will sit on the couch with me and read or watch the news. He reminds me to say our special "You I Love" thing at night and won't go to bed without it. He adores his Daddy. He cleans up after himself without being reminded. He loves to wash dishes with Daddy, bake bread with me and watch the baking soda / vinegar volcano in the tubs and sinks on cleaning day. As we pulled weeds this week, he looked at both of us and said, "this is so much fun, pulling all the tumbleweeds!" and meant it. He wants everything to be correct, the way he sees it. He's right and knows it. He rarely misbehaves and when he does, a quick trip to time out remedies it. His favorite thing is to be together with mommy and daddy..."my happy family".

In essence, he is 3.75 going on 30. But that isn't really surprising, given his genes...

(sammy, abc's)

How to Alienate Friends and Make Situations More Difficult

The year after Sammy was born was tough. Really tough. I had a tough time with everything: life, people, brain capacity. Everything. One of my sincere regrets in life is how I alienated people and friends around me. I can look back now and know that I was in a pretty deep depression, whether it was circumstance of Sammy's birth or 'just' postpartum, I do not know, but I suspect it was a little of everything: normal baby blues + circumstances surrounding getting Sammy here + not being able to have more kids + guilt + sucking at new mommyhood +, well, everything else. And now, looking back, I realize why I pushed everyone away. I really do. I was wallowing and didn't want anyone to see. But then? Then I just knew I was doing it, but was helpless to stop.

Outside comments didn't help the matter, either. From my sister, I heard all about how I needed to get on the adoption thing NOW (3 weeks post birth) because if I didn't, my kid would end up weird and definitely not normal and did I REALLY want that (no, I'm sadly not paraphrasing!) or, from friends, about how it was sad I'd never be a REAL mom since I wouldn't ever have more than one kid or, from strangers about how I wasn't good enough for a second child and it was for the best since one was all I could handle, anyway. Nope. They certainly didn't help the guilt and pain or the transition to motherhood. But instead of rising above and reaching out to the fabulous women around me, I shut everyone out and...wallowed. Wondered what was wrong with me. Wondered why I couldn't just have this motherhood thing come naturally and get on with life, already.

It took nearly that entire first year to emerge from the fog. By that time, though, I think the damage had been done. Where friendships were, polite coolness remained. And I had no one to blame but myself. People can only put themselves out so often before burning the bridge completely. And I understood. Honestly. We were also moving soon after; too soon, I thought, to repair all I had let break around me. So I let it go and I let it be and I regret the mess I made every day since. I would like to think that I would do better, now. I would like to think that others don't hold it against me. I would like to think that I somehow magically communicated my hurt and fear through the alienation. But I'm afraid that isn't what happened. And I'm still so very sorry for it all.


(situation, yaz)