The Process

My mother in law convinced me to buy this (I'm not entirely sure how...she's good, that one!). Thankfully, the convincing also came with the promise of help, which is welcomed and wonderful. I enjoy my mother in law's company and will absolutely take her up on a girls day of quilting. However, I almost said no, that it was "too pretty" to experiment on for my first quilt. Which lead me to wonder why that was my first thought. And then I realized that I always do that. For everything.

Growing up, failure was not an option. At all. If you got an A-, it wasn't celebrated, it was...well, why didn't you get an A+? You should try harder. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, just that it is what it is. That mentality was there from the beginning. If you don't do it correctly, you DO it correctly. What this has translated to, in my adult life, is if I can't do it perfect, I don't do it at all. It just seems, well, easier.

I've been reading with great interest lately how people write. The actual process. Because I've been thinking what I'm doing isn't really working for me, so I've been trying to get some ideas...change things up a little. So...paper vs. computer. Timed writing sessions vs. word count. I felt as if I could just tap into what was tripping me up, I could fix it and work harder. Right? But then my mother in law talked me into a quilting kit. To quilt. When I've never quilted before. And suddenly, I realized something. It's NOT about computer vs. paper or timed vs. word count. Yes, I do need to figure those things out simply to help my long term goal, but it doesn't matter for what I thought it did originally. Because what is really going on is this. I don't feel as though I can rewrite something. As if what comes flowing through my fingers needs to be print ready without any rewrites. Which is...hello! Stupid. Right? But yet, it's easier for me to not write at all than to rewrite. Because if it's not perfect...why commit it to paper.

So I ran into this quote on Twitter yesterday and, for all its simplicity, it, in combination with my mother in law, made me see clearly. It was something like this. 'Writing isn't brain surgery. You don't have to get it right the first time.' I know I'm paraphrasing and getting it all wrong, but the sentiment is there. It's not brain surgery. I don't have to get it perfect the first time. Computer or paper, it doesn't matter. Just get words committed to paper. Go back and fix after that. What a novel thought.


(thompson twins, hold me now)