I was going to put all of this in the comments and then it just started getting too long.
About the job. I KNOW I could get the job. I have no doubt in my heart that I could walk in there, rock that interview and get hired. My hesitance over it stems from other things: how this would affect my ability to mother Sammy in the way I want this last year before he goes to school, among them. However, this job feels like a step back, almost. I know it's not really a step back, but it feels that way. Or, maybe that isn't the right way to say it. It's almost like it took this opportunity to show me, or make me realize, and identify, my career goals. Journalism is a whole different beast than what it was when I was regularly seeing my by-line. And to go back to a daily isn't where I want to be right now. My focus has shifted and that's ok. If I took this job, I would be taking it just to take it and, especially this year, I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else, writing wise. I would after Sammy starts school, but not now.
As for the rest of the rant...what can I say? :) I have my whiny moments. Laurel's post really resonated with me and combined with sadness of friends, I felt overwhelmed. Luckily, by the time it posted yesterday, I snapped (mostly) out of it and had a plan. I guess I'm lucky that way. I rarely stay down for long without a plan. Plans are my drugs! It's how I cope and feel better and refocus. So consider me coped and better and refocused! You may not hear from me for a few days (Gotta finish outside...last weekend's snow in the mountains was quite the wake up call!) but the plan is there. We're good. Brain will always think too much, but it's usually only used for good and not evil, I swear!
Have a lovely Labor Day weekend, everyone...
And, Laura, I fixed that pesky "witty" thing, even though I REALLY doubt your lack of witty. :)
(half of everything, lloyd cole)
It's a needy time of year. I'm feeling similar things, not job wise, but I just read the last few posts and yeah. Perhaps it's the changing of the seasons. I love fall, but this summer hasn't really been the the point where I curse it and wish for cooler weather yet. I'm not ready for the snow that seems to come so quickly and lovely fall's heels. sigh.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: Croosh.
That says it all.
I think you're right. It was an odd summer - not really hot and we didn't get as much done as I would have hoped. So now I feel like the September mad dash to finish everything and fall clean is here and I'm still behind, somehow! I love fall, so very much, and welcome it. But yeah. Croosh, indeed.
ReplyDeleteWell, if you resonated with that post then you KNOW that I get the feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty. I just hope mine didn't rub off on you. :0)
ReplyDeleteI don't know why that cycle of self-doubt has to exist, except that in small doses it helps me look closely at who I really am and who I really want to be. Then, when I can shake it off, I get to work on getting rid of the space that exists between.
And I suppose I have to get comfortable with the fact that I'm not perfect and never will be. But I also have to accept the fact that there are those that really love me despite my flaws.
I also suppose that those flaws are what make me human, that give me the ability to empathize and connect with all my fellow humans who are just as flawed as me. And that's a good thing.
Life is full of flux and adjustments, perspecive shifts and change. I think you are handling your with grace.
xoxo