I remember when Ayelet Waldman was first on Oprah...however many years ago. She was talking about her controversial article where she said that her husband comes first, before her kids. It was before Sammy, although I may have been pregnant at the time. I also remember thinking how NOT crazy she was and how that opinion felt in the minority. So I tucked it away, became a fan of hers and went on with life. Now, four years of motherhood later, I still think she was right. I love my kid to the end of the earth and back. I would do ANYTHING for him. Anything at all. But. He's still not number one with me. That will always be Isaac.
I was reminded of this article again this weekend, via a related, but not entirely similar conversation. I don't think I could adequately explain how much I love my husband. We're talking giddy feelings when I see him walk up the walk after work. The absolute devastation when we're too busy to spend one on one time together. The loneliness I feel when I spend day after day with only Sammy.
Really. I love my kid. So much. But he's changing and growing and will (rightly) leave and hold some other woman in the highest regard when he marries. But my relationship with Isaac? Is constant. Is right. Is true. Is what makes my day better, makes me better, makes my life worth it.
So, four years into my own experiment, my hat is tipped, Ms. Waldman. I get it. I understand. And truly believe it's how it should be.
(stole my heart, little and ashley)
glad we could help.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. I think putting the kids in front of your spouse can destroy a marriage. And, like you said, some day the kids will be gone and you're still going to be married to your spouse. Hopefully, you don't look at them and go, "who are you and what are we doing together". I've seen a few of those.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I feel as giddy as you, but I feel like my day lacks rhythm and direction and like I lose sense of time when Ryan is out of town or has to work late. Luckily that doesn't happen too often. I don't know how other people handle having spouses who travel a lot or work a lot of overtime.
Amen.
ReplyDeleteWV: "tschin" The sound when trying to stifle a sneeze.
Agreed. And I am sure Isaac would say the same about you- as it should be.
ReplyDeleteAgree. gasp.
ReplyDeleteNot gasp. Yay!
ReplyDeleteI agree, my husband should come first, but sometimes it is difficult- at least for me, as a new mama. I have to work out of the home, so by the time I get home to my little one, I am consumed by her. My poor hubby gets what is left. Does it get easier? Is this a first few months phenomenon?
ReplyDeleteI think the first few months of mamahood is a whole different ballgame! I think everyone is in an "every man for him/herself" survival mode! It DOES get easier. They get more independent. They need you...not less, but differently. I think once we emerged out of that first year fog, we found a good rhythm again.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things we were RELIGIOUS about was bedtime. Still are. He goes to bed between 7-7:30 so we have some time alone in the evenings. So crucial for us!
This is exactly why you kids had an 8:00 p. m. bedtime. We felt like we needed some time before we went to bed, and if your Father was working I needed some down time. Good job. Love Mom
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this one, Tawnya. When the little ones grow up, what would happen to your marriage if you focused and loved them more than your hubs? As much as we want kids, I couldn't imagine my life without Adam.
ReplyDelete