I read a blog comment a couple weekends ago that basically said a, "I get that ALL of you trust your hubbys a ridiculous amount, but you shouldn't because mine is untrustworthy" kind of thing. It didn't sit right with me, but I kept thinking about it instead of jerk reacting. I ended up talking it over with Isaac over a lovely dinner on Saturday and what I decided is this: While I'm sad that other women have married giant douche heads, I did not. And to assume that my husband is on the precipice of douche-headedness is unfair. At best.
I get the whole, "Don't be like me! I was too trusting!" reaction from someone who has been there, done that, but still. I hated the tone of the comment. To me, it was very holier than thou - like OF COURSE it was a HUSBAND who did something wrong. Like OF COURSE she was now going to have to WATCH HIS EVERY MOVE because WIVES are so put upon. Is it never the husband who is betrayed by the wife? Who worries and wonders and molds his life to keep it together? Are there not relationships full of trust and love and adoration that go the distance?
I read about my friend Bryn and the lovely Leah as they chronicle their lives, caring for their husbands with cancer. Bryn, who is so strong and loving. Leah, who's devotion comes through her writing so strongly, even as her husband passed last weekend. This is what love is, to me. These women who adore their partners and stand through thick and thin. For better or worse. Not just 'waiting' for their partners to make a stupid move.
I trust my husband, completely. I don't even think twice about what he's doing. And I don't think that makes me naive. Or misguided. Or ignorant. Why would I make him - the love of my life; MY partner for better or worse - guilty without him doing anything, simply because someone else's husband is a jerk? I would rather look to the examples of women like Bryn and Leah and emulate them rather than worrying if (or, worse, when) my husband is going to screw up simply due to his gender.
So, random internet woman whom I don't know, I am truly sorry you married who you married and you now have to babysit your husband. I honestly am. But please don't think my husband is cut from the same cloth. Because he is not. He has proven time and again that he is my champion and support and love of my life. And unless he proves otherwise (which I'm not holding my breath for), I will treat him as such and simply trust.
(oingo boingo, nothing bad ever happens to me)