Love at Fourth...Fifth...Sixth...

Part the first

My divorce was final in early February. Isaac and I's first date was the last week of March. We went to the movies (Gattaca) and out for ice cream with my sister and her husband. The next night he came over to my house for egg enchiladas, a video and, uh, other stuff. It was a lovely date. We were pretty inseparable after that...not that we weren't before. Around the same time as our first date I graduated from college. I found a job two hours south and we did the long distance thing - talking every day, weekend trips. This lasted until sometime in late June when Isaac broke up with me. I was heartbroken. I didn't feel like I was *just* losing a boyfriend, I knew this would alter my friendship with my best friend (Isaac). I was crushed, but somehow kept thinking that this wasn't the end to our story. That he just needed time to figure it out, but he'd be back.

We still saw each other and talked, but it wasn't the same. Late that summer we had a fight. A huge fight. I don't remember how it started, but it included how I thought his mother disapproved of me since I had previously been married and how I thought his family hated me. It then moved on to how I didn't think he was man enough to admit what he wanted (me) and go for it and ended with a brilliant, shiny, yelled "go to hell" from me whereon we didn't speak for months.

It was around this time that I started re-dating my ex. I wanted to make sure I had done the right thing and dating was a way for me to be certain. We had a great time, actually. We went to Sundance and movies and stayed in and talked - really talked. It was mostly easy and comfortable and made my head foggy. A few months in, things started getting harder. I would come home from our weekends together crying and miserable and confused. In talking to one person, they mentioned that if I were so miserable after our dates, maybe that was an answer for what I should do. I knew the only way to know for sure was to date someone else that I already loved, not just someone random. And so, I swallowed my pride and apologized to Isaac. It didn't take long before we set a date for our second first date.

THAT was the date that was awkward and stilted. THAT was the date that I knew I'd marry him if he asked. That was the date that changed everything for me, nearly a year after our first date. But I took the next few weeks and dated them both, just to be sure of my feelings. I left dates with my ex crying and confused. I left dates with Isaac completely in love and not wanting to leave. My choice was clear and I was at peace with breaking things off with my ex.

I think Isaac and I started talking about getting married toward the end of that second first date. I think we both knew this was it for us, but, still, we didn't get engaged right away. In late May I went to New York with my roommate. I had a great time and didn't want to come home. I completely fell in love with the city. I joke that the only reason I came home is to get Isaac and go back. It was the week after I came home that he proposed. I said absolutely (well, actually, I don't remember what I said. I try to block the proposal out because it was during an argument...). I wanted to get married on July 31, but we (read not me) didn't think it was enough time, so we set the date in late August (and just for the record? Everything was pretty much done mid-July but announcements had been sent. I still wish we had eloped and just held the party for everyone in August...). It was the hardest two months, being away from him. The happy part of the story is that it isn't any easier today when we're apart, either. I miss him the second he walks out the door for work everyday of my life. Sappy, much? But still true.

Love it...

(fall hard, shout out louds)