I am more open with my opinions now than I used to be. Especially around family and friends. I know a lot of people wonder if I've changed, or what has happened, but the truth is, I haven't really changed. I've simply grown my voice.
What I've noticed, however, is some don't like it. They try to get me to feel that I'm wrong or I've changed - and not in a good way. They make it very plain that they don't appreciate the growth and would like it to go back to the way it was when I was younger - more silent. And I think it irritates some that I won't. I now call people on things. More often, anyway. I still try to be respectful. I still try to be compassionate. I still try to be tolerant. But I'm more likely to call you out if something seems wonky. Or mean. Or if my opinion just needs to be heard.
I'm a lot more vocal in differences I have with people, as well. I spent a great deal of time trying to blend in and anymore, I think that's crazy. Why do we do that to ourselves? I'm really different in a lot of ways to the women that surround me - dang! to family! - and I'm a lot more likely to discuss or highlight those differences now. I'm still working through what this will all mean with all my relationships (it's definitely strained some), but it's something I'm willing to do; need to do. Possibly just to show that not everyone is like everyone else and that is OK. Possibly because I'm nearly 36 and want to be me, now, instead of pretending to be like everyone else. Possibly just because...I've grown my voice and I now know how to use it more effectively.
Music for a (SUNNY!) cold day:
(in chains, depeche mode)
6 clever comments:
This is great! When I went to BYU, I was focusing my degree on "diversity". Ha! Funny to pick BYU for that goal. That's why after my mission I decided to finish school in California. There are only 2 people you have to please: God and yourself!
I've actually noticed that in my life as well. I just want to look at people and say "Really? I'm not a 16 year old girl any more. I'm TOTALLY going to have my own opinions!"..... Go figure ;)
Kim. That may be the funniest thing I've heard all day! Diversity at BYU. Hahahhahahahahahahaha.
Shari - I'm wondering if it's just a natural part of growing up and realizing that you are (gasp!) a grown up?
T, this is a big part of why I was so against going to Ricks. I wanted to go my own way, and had plenty of offers to different schools that would have paid for me, but I was talked into going to Ricks. I'm still struggling to not just go along with what everyone else wants to do and do what I want, but there are some people (no Mom, not you) that are making that a very uncomfortable experience. I think that it's going to be a matter of another few years of waiting and slowing chipping away at the fact that yes, I can be my own person and have my own life and opinions, and yes, I can state them and just because they are different doesn't mean that they are bad and I have to be treated like a leper.
D
kudos to being more vocal in your opinions. that's something i'm working on as well. and w/ differences, at first it seems why bother with people, but then you realize to appreciate those differences and still be able to live w/ those people in your life.
I am woman hear me roar. I always get in trouble for saying what I think but it still doesn't stop me. It's happened twice this week. Oh well, usually it blows over quickly if I try to be honest but respectful as you said. I think the beauty of aging is finding our voice and not being afraid to use it.
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