Driving up the hillside, you are nervous for the talk. You know instinctively how the conversation will go, but a part of you holds out hope. You look out over the lights of this adoptive city and want to be anywhere else. You wonder how someone could love you so much and not want to be with you forever...how letting go of dreams is seemingly easy for him and not for you. Thankfully, the night is kind and doesn't threaten to close in too heavily.
A hushed conversation, poor explanation of the end. You aren't upset, but confused. In love with your best friend? Really? The sun is fading behind the park slide as you stare in his eyes. You feel nothing in particular, as this was no more than a silly fling to divert your attention, but...
Knuckles brushing against each other. You bite the inner corner of your lip in an anticipation that would never be fulfilled. The final fireworks lighting up his face, you walk slowly home, hesitant to end the evening. You wish someone would finally do something and end the doubt. As he leaves to go home, you know your chance has passed.
The night you spent on the floor, listening to music. Future plans whispered, songs sung, a light breeze blowing the curtains across your legs. A call the next morning, revealing that your perfume was still in the carpet and made it difficult to start the day without you. A bright beginning to a rapidly changing relationship. A night that will forever be held as the high point.
You wake up, face blotchy from the night before. Your head is throbbing and your sinuses blocked. You slide out of bed, not really thinking. And then it comes back to you; the reason for the blotchy and throbbing. You spent most of the previous night begging for a second chance, for him to reconsider. The dark misery wasn't a dream, but a new reality.
Lying on a blanket in the middle of the field, arms tangled. Nervous excitement to be together again. Months after the breakup and you are just as sure as you ever were that a future together is the only one that makes sense. The darkness creeps up, the nighttime cool lingers. Talking, kissing, just being are the only things in the world that matter.
Turning the doorknob to the hotel room, you both sigh and visibly relax. After a day of festivities, you are finally together alone. A single night to convey the happiness and contentment you feel. A single night to express that the years leading to this moment were worth it. A single night, away from the world, to be alone before life begins.
One night, after many years, you find your routine interrupted. A new life on the precipice, you both stop to take one final breath full of anxiety and fear and joy and excitement. You look at the life you've built and mourn it's loss while anticipating the future. Hours later, as the next sun is setting, suddenly there is another life entwined with yours. Another being suddenly there who will be shaping your nights to come.
