Friday Random

-I think I know what I want to do with the diamond from my first wedding ring (to my ex...since you all know I don't wear my diamond now, either, I just thought I would clarify!). Knowing I bought it and it has (oddly) very little sentimental value, I want to do something funky with it. I have it sketched and just need to find someone not really expensive to make it.

-I think I'm the only woman in America who isn't singing the praises of girl scout cookie time. They're ok...but seriously. I've had better. I can't even remember the last time I was even tempted to buy a box, let alone actually buy one.

-My cute nephew is getting married today. I'm so stinking happy for them both.

-Why do people hate Gwyneth Paltrow so much? I'm not in love with her, but I just don't get the mocking.

-Australia was not a good movie. Anytime I'm sitting there anxious for a shirtless Hugh Jackman to leave my screen? Not a good sign...

-My lack of enthusiasm for American Idol and the hints of spring are making me anxious for So You Think You Can Dance. I had a dream the other night that my BF tried out this year and commented that he was no longer married. It marred my SYTYCD viewing pleasure with feelings of confusion. I remember waking up thinking, "Huh. If you had married ME 15 years ago you wouldn't be having this problem.". Clearly I still have issues...

-I had lunch with a friend this week that I hadn't seen since...1993? 94? It was really nice and reminded me that having friends who knew you at different stages is generally a good thing. I wish we didn't live in different cities, but I'm glad we live close enough to occassionally do lunch.

-Ring of the week:

My favorite rings tend to be chunky, ornate bands. I just love them and have several. This is my favorite, though.

-Song of the week, especially for bythelbs:

(camouflage, the great commandment)
I really wanted a video of my favorite camouflage song, that smiling face, but couldn't find one that wasn't a snippet off someone's cell phone...I have loved camouflage since the day I first heard them. We didn't get a lot of music that wasn't country growing up, but somehow I convinced my parent's that this tape was a NEED and bought it. I danced my modern dance final to that smiling face my junior year and was simply obsessed with it. So funny that I still love it so much!

Because I Have No Shame vol 14

July 1992. Packing to leave for college (I started in the summer instead of fall). That outfit was...stunning. Pea green leggings in a black shield / paisley pattern and matching shirt. I chopped off the leggings and rolled them to make shorts. Sexy, people! The white bear was a present from a good friend in high school. One of the few I still talk to (the person, not the bear...)! I'm laying on another bear as a pillow. That one was my older bear from when I was a baby. It has an ugly bright green knitted dress that my grandma made for me. Still have the bear (it's in a tub somewhere...) and it still has the dress.

I'm not sure what the green material is next to me (but, seriously...what's up with the green?), but my favorite part is all the laundry on my bed drying. Especially the pale peach undies and bra. Classy!

Should I Feel That It's Over

**This has been in my draft folder for about two months, completely done. I've hesitated publishing it for many reasons, but the overall one is that I hope it isn't taken as something that it isn't. I am open and honest in all it's unglory, but this...I fear. For whatever reason.**

I'm mid-foot deep into a new story. It's taken an interesting turn in my head; one that is logical, but not where I expected it to go. My main character finds herself dealing with infidelity in her otherwise steady life. It's always difficult to write about something you don't have first hand knowledge of (at least, that you are aware of). I'm doing a little research and reading a lot to make sure I get the feel right. As I research, I keep thinking about my life. While cheating just isn't an option, I do understand some of the whys of infidelity. It IS easy to get complacent, take your partner for granted and find solace with others. It's work to keep things on track and going where they should go.

When we lived in Portland, we had a neighbor I had a lot in common with. Isaac used to joke that he thought it was funny the neighbor always flirted with me, but I didn't think it was flirting, just a casual friendship. However, I did make sure everything was above board, out of respect to my marriage. About this time Isaac left for six months on rotations and I was lonely. Extremely lonely. A bright spot in my day was sitting out on the stairs talking with this neighbor. We listened to the same music, watched the same movies and he would drop by CDs for me to borrow and just had a great time talking.

One night, we got talking about a song. I couldn't place it, so we went into my apartment to find it. We ended up sitting on the floor (all while the front door was open) in the living room, talking about music and listening to one song after another. A little while in, the conversation lulled and I realized this was probably highly inappropriate; especially if what Isaac joked about were true. I felt a slight shift in the mood and glanced at the clock. It was later than I expected and the shift scared me a little. I wrapped the conversation up and he went home. Nothing had happened, except to me. I realized how easily things could have gone in a different direction. I realized how being lonely and alone could leave one vulnerable. I realized how being married didn't stop feelings of wanting to be wanted or desirable. But most of all, I realized a lot about me.

While I stand by that friendship and its innocence (I do not believe that men and women are incapable of friendship after marriage), I did learn to be more careful. I learned that you can't just let marriage go and hope for the best - marriage is work. But I also learned that situations happen and instead of being critical and judgemental of others, we should do what we can to help and then look inward to what may need changed with us as a preventative measure.

I'm not sure what my character is going to do. I have a sketch of an idea, but as the story goes on, that may change. It's hard to be in this situation even fictionally, but it's a good reminder of the time in Portland and of life and where I want to be headed in reality.

Sammy at 2

Here's a snapshot of Sammy at 2 1/2:


He knows his letters (upper and lower), most of his numbers and colors and his opposites. He's funny and will do anything to get a laugh. He is stubborn and opinionated and will let you know it. He's soft spoken and kind. He loves to make up songs and dance and Aunt Sharon. Not a day goes by that he doesn't ask to go to Aunt Sharon's.

He loves Curious George to a fault and Word World. I love that he started mixing some of his magnetic letters in a mixing bowl the other day to make a pie "like on Word World". I love that we go somewhere and he sees something and his first thought is "Like at home?".

I totally let him watch more tv than I should and admit to freely using it as a babysitter when I want to blog or write or just need a break. I love that he comes to me to "be safe" and to kiss his owies all better. I love that he goes through a list of things that "are the same". He LOVES things that are the same.


He has my lips and looks just like Isaac.


He has my long legs and Isaac's long torso and I fear how tall he's going to be! I can't keep up buying pants long enough already. We don't ever have to used the elastic adjusters in his pants because they are still falling off his skinny little body by the time they are too short. Summer will be a nice respite from that! His hair is getting darker, but I fear it won't darken as much as I wish it would.


I love that he's an only and we have so much uninterrupted time. I love that we have inside jokes and he's growing up to be my buddy. I love that we have a routine of going out to lunch and the bookstore on Saturdays while Daddy's at work. I love that my kid knows where the bookstore is and it's one of his favorite places to be.

I'm sad he'll never have a partner in crime and know I overcompensate for that fact. He's trying and taxing and has an annoying habit of being up for the day at 5:30 that just doesn't seem to go away.

He has an entire bucket (LARGE bucket) full of cars. He loves them more than anything. Well, except momo the cat.


He's always seemed mature for his age and I wonder if that's the result of us expecting too much or the way we talk to him like he is a mini adult or just personality. He hates messes and will clean without being told. He has to have a napkin and hates things on his fingers. I try to check my OCD with him, but I fear some is getting through.

He's going through a trying phase of throwing things on the floor in stores and I'm beginning to be at a loss to try to curb it. I thought it would work when his love, momo, had to go away and be washed because he threw him, but that did nothing. However, his other phase is saying 'hi' to everyone he sees. He waves his little hand and says hi and then, so proudly, turns to me and says, "I said 'hi', mommy". I love that.


It kills me to see his lower lip quiver when he's sad. It kills me when he (after happily going to time out) comes up to me, says sorry and asks for a hug. He always asks for "hugs and kisses" and I'm sad that will someday stop.


I love that when you ask "Is _____ a dork?", the only people to get a no is daddy and Simon. Everytime.


I love how sweet he is. I love how sensitive he is. I love that Isaac is his role model of how to treat people. I love how funny he is. I love how he loves to write and draw and play and honestly doesn't have a care in the world.