My Beloved Monster

This has not been a great week. Not horrible, but not great. I had forgotten the depth of winter illnesses in this forsaken land. We are currently locked in the never-ending circle of craziness that is cold/pink eye/cold/pink eye/bronchitis/cold. Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel is relief and not death. **fingers crossed!** Sammy is really sick, Isaac is starting to get sick and, in some alternate reality, I am the one who is fine. I can't begin to tell you how unusual that is. However, I am tired. So very tired. Sammy isn't sleeping because he can't breathe and is just all around miserable. The humidifier (such a necessity here!) is going non-stop and I'm trying everything to get us out of this misery. Hopefully a couple days at home resting will go a long way toward that.

Even though we are all not great, Isaac and I snuck away last night for the briefest of dates. Sharon braved the snot and kept Sammy. We'd made reservations at a cozy little Italian restaurant in town to celebrate all things February (both birthdays, mainly). It was divine. I wish we both were more alert for it, but it was still really good. Isaac had crab stuffed ravioli and I had strip cut steak with herbs and garlic. We shared a creme brulee and mozzerella bruschetta to top it all off. Simply divine.

Our friends, (Summer and Michael), both had birthdays this past week and the plan was to stop by their house after dinner for their birthday party. This was our first famous Shaefer party, and as illness induced as we were, we didn't want to miss it. Our only regret is that we couldn't stay longer and be fabulous with them. As it turns out, leaving early was a good thing. Sammy had his worst night yet, so, Valentine's will be marked by lots of tv and napping! Can you say heart shaped pizza?

When I mentioned earlier we never get Vday presents, I wasn't complaining. Merely stating a fact that we both have February birthdays, so extra funds are usually a little tapped out in February. A nice dinner sometime Valentine's week (splitting the difference on birthdays) is usually all we do. It's fine, neither of us are big into the holiday. I'm usually present-ed out from my birthday and Christmas anyway. However. This year, my husband took that as a challenge to surprise me with something (after asking me if he could get me something...he's so scared of my reaction to surprises!). He came home yesterday with this:

I've been saving for it since last fall, but it's been one step forward / two steps back since I tend to dip into my personal savings to buy Sammy stuff (books, clothes) and books for me (yeah, I know. It's an illness...). I knew it was going to take me awhile to save; I was just hoping I could get it before our vacation this fall! Isaac saw how slowly I was saving, so he just...bought it. Completely surprised me; especially since I'm the one who does the bills - I usually know the ins and outs of all our cash, so it's difficult to do something like this. I so have the greatest husband. Sure does beat flowers anyday, in my book! I'm excited to get some down time to figure it all out!

All About the Man

How long have you been together?
11 years, all together

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
The first time around - almost a year; the second one that stuck - almost two years

Who asked who out? (that's not right...shouldn't it be Whom?)
He asked me

How old are each of you?
I am 35, Isaac will be 33 in about a week

Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
Mine, but it's leveling out since the move. Ok, just kidding. We still see Sharon more!

Do you have any children together?
One, Sammy

What about pets?
Nope, never

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
parenthood; turns out we're both pretty selfish

Did you go to the same school?
high school, no / college, yes

Are you from the same home town?
No

Who is the smartest?
Me, of course (if he wants to dispute this he can start his own blog. Or comment)

Who is the most sensitive?
Me (and I'm not kidding on this one!)

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
I'm going with the sarcastic "In restaurants"

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Uh...Mexico?

Who has the craziest ex's?
Have you read my stories?

Who has the worst temper?
Ha! Me.

Who hogs the bed?
I think we both have our moments

Who is more stubborn?
Poor Sammy doesn't stand a chance. He gets it from both sides.

Who is more jealous?
Um, of what? I'm jealous that he gets to escape the insanity day to day. He's jealous I'm so awesome. (kidding!)
Neither of us is really the typical jealous type, though.

Who does the cooking?
Usually me, but he's really good to step in when I don't feel like it

Who is more social?
definitely me

Who is the neat Freak? (I love that Freak is capitalized...)
Me, but he has a healthy streak o' freak himself

Who wakes up earlier?
Sammy

Where was your first date?
Movies (Gattaca) and ice cream with Sharon & Jacob

Who has the bigger family?
Same. 7 in both.

Do you get flowers often?
Nope. I hate flowers. So if I get them, they are from someone who doesn't know me well. I didn't even want flowers for my wedding...

How do you spend the holidays?
In jammies watching movies, preferably

How long did it take to get serious?
Awhile. We dated / broke up / waited 9 months / dated again / waited 5 months / got engaged in the course of a couple of years

Who does the laundry?
Me - he does the dishes

Who drives when you are together?
Usually Isaac, but I do when he wants me to.

Is your family still growing?
Nope. Unless you count the dessert I ate last night...

Ring of the week:

Garnet and marquisite. Isaac bought this for me when we lived in Portland. I LOVE it. Still. It's so bold and delicate at the same time. It came from a collection of 1920's inspired jewelry. I LOVE 1920's inspired jewelry.

Song of the week:

Cause nothing says Happy Valentine's Day like The White Stripes! (i want to be the boy, the white stripes - this song ties as my all time favorite WS song)

Ahhhh....

On this, the week of the most sacred romantic holiday Hallmark's ever exploited, I give you my true love.



What's a girl who misses the dried pineapple and five kinds of lemonade to do?

Put Your Hands Together!

There are things that should be put on high alert for EVERYONE to know about. Roddy Frame and Neil Finn TOGETHER? This is definitely one of those things...

A Well Worn Book

I've never felt attractive. I feel I've been stuck in that awkward phase for so long I have difficulty seeing past it. My inner voice is riddled by different comments over the years - my best friend reminding me he was looking for other qualities in a woman I didn't possess(not in so many words, of course...), being picked over and over by women who were prettier (I have a definite chip on my shoulder where 'pretty' people are concerned), tormented over the baby weight that isn't yet gone. I have had times in my life I've felt sexy- my ex had a way of making me feel as though I was a goddess, I've had clothes that fit perfectly and felt like they were made especially to show off my frame. I fear, though, those times are far too few.

Isaac adores me. I know this as well as I know anything. He finds me sexy and attractive and there is no doubt in my mind about this. But I find myself batting away his compliments; telling him how wrong he is. I know he'll stop telling me if I continue this, but it's become automatic. Lately I'm settling back into patterns of negative thought. I'm not pretty enough, I wish I knew what it was like to be pretty, I wish, I want, I wish.

What IS it like to walk into a room and know that you are one of the prettiest ones there? What IS it like to know that men desire you and women envy you? I simply will never know. And most of the time that is fine. I don't spend a lot of brain power on this - I've accepted what and who I am and work at being the best me I can. But that doesn't stop those times from creeping in where I wish I had EVER been a size four, let alone now at 35. Or that my freckles didn't exist. Or that I popped back into shape after Sammy, well, ever.

Kim mentioned this week her little milestones (and sarcastic snickering!) and Sharon is doing AMAZING with her weight loss. All of this has played prominently in the front of my mind lately and I know that I need to focus on me. Reach down and find those fleeting sexy moments before they've escaped permanently.