I saw this article linked this morning on several blogs I read. After the second link, I read, with interest, as I always do with stories of love and loss, marriage and divorce. It would be easy to read this through the eyes of my divorced self. The problems, the hurt, the ending; both sides of the story. All uniquely our own, but somehow cliched, as well. However, I didn't. I resisted the urge to look back (not only to my previous marriage, but to Isaac and our first decade as well) and instead I looked forward - the next 10, 20 years of my married life. I looked at Sammy's future marriage and I really embraced the article through those eyes.
Isaac and I have an ideal relationship - blissful, even. We are such amazingly good (the best!) friends at the core. I try to not take this fact for granted, but I'm afraid I do: he'll always be here! He loves you! He is patient and kind and good! And then I demand so much. I often joke that one of these days he's going to snap and be resentful of the decades he's had to prop me up, but the truth is...I'm afraid that will come true. He IS kind and patient and good. And I am not. I'm the little kid in this relationship, always trying to stretch beyond and grab something shiny; unsure, stubborn, put upon. How completely silly it is, in the grand scheme of things. I kept telling my nephews this summer that we're the peace and love family. I was mostly joking with them (boring story), but in truth, I want to not take this marriage for granted for Sammy's sake, as well as the selfish reasons.
When Sammy is older (WAAAAYYYYY older) and looking for a wife, I want him to look back and see us as the example of what to do. I want him to see us working at it, being in love, being kind and patient and considerate of feelings. I want him to see peace and love. I want him to know that not everything breaks but INDEED gets better with time. And if he sees a little of this? All the better. Well, the sentiment anyway, not really the roses.
After all is said and done, the truth of the matter is, I love my husband. A crazy amount. Yes, he is good and kind and patient and so, so good to me, but he is also home. I would walk to the ends of the earth with this man if it meant I could stay with him forever. And while right now, in this minute, I cannot imagine the rough times the author of this article mentions, I know they are there, lurking under the surface of happy. I've lived through them in many incarnations and I'm certain that we'll live through them again. My only wish is to have the sort of stoic grace and calm she showed through the bad in order to get back to the good.
Music to build a life to:
(liam finn, second chance)
7 clever comments:
Wow. Just Wow. I hadn't read that article before today and I really needed it.
Thanks for sharing.
And best wishes for continued peace and love.
I have that exact same fear. Ryan is the kind, thoughtful, patient, slow-to-anger one and he puts up with a lot of crap from me. Sometimes I worry that I'll wake up one day and he'll have decided that he's had enough and I'll be shocked because I thought everything was just peachy. I hope I can become more like him and the lady in that article-before it's too late.
You always make me stop and ponder. Most excellent.
My wv is sylut. Is that a girl who could break up a marriage? hee hee
And you always make me laugh!
Thanks for sharing...has given me a lot to think about.
That article is pretty amazing.
That was really interesting. What a perspective - a world's way to view the eternal nature of the things.
I am with Christin- have some fears. As always, the eloquent post with the article is amazing.
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