Friday Random

*ER was much better in the Dr. Greene days.
*Good friends are amazing things to have. Fake friends are a drag on the soul.
*Just because someone isn't in your life anymore doesn't make terrifying news about them any easier. Ditto for happy news.
*Sephora sales make me happy. Even if I can only enjoy on-line, now.
*I am finishing up my last "need to hang this" projects next week after a trip to IKEA.
*I'm sad they seem to be cancelling Pushing Daisies.
*It's ridiculously sunny here today and unbelievably cold. Oh, wait. That may just be me.
*I opened my blinds this morning and saw an overturned bike and spilled back pack across the street near an empty house. By the time I got downstairs to see if I needed to call the cops, a cop was gathering them up and turning the corner toward a different house. I'm certain it will haunt me all day.
*Trips down memory lane can be exhausting and horrifying.
*My husband bought a box of Christmas chocolates. He is the devil.
*Starbucks peppermint hot chocolate is a balm for what ails you. And great for cold hands. I may be keeping our local one afloat all on my own.
*I have a nephew getting married next Friday and another that got engaged last week. Sheesh!
*Song of the day:

(broken stones, by the very sexy paul weller)

Because I Have No Shame Vol. 2

In volume 2 of 'Because I have no shame' we find a pre-dating Tawnya and Isaac picture. We're talking before there was even a hint that we MAY date someday. Funny, no? I normally wouldn't post a pic where I'm stuffing my face for all the world to see, but for this...well, I have no shame, right?

I'm not sure exactly when this picture was taken, but my guess would be December-ish 1997 at our work Christmas party. Possibly January 1998, but I dont' think so. I was separated at the time, about a month from having my divorce final and about three months from graduating college. Isaac was dating she who will not be named. We'd known each other for about...nine months or so by then. Check us out! How funny. I remember loving those shoes. Probably more because they were good in the snow rather than any "attractive" qualities they (hiddenly) possessed. Isaac had hair and looked so young. Other than that, I think he's pretty much the same. Man. I still don't know why he asked me out. I definitely got the better end of the deal!

Because I Have No Shame

In response to yesterday's post, Diane kindly requested old pictures of me (I'm ignoring other requests of hers for now, though!). I've decided to do a running "How Tawnya Got This Way" feature called 'Because I Have No Shame'. I was going to do the photos in order, but that's no fun. So I decided to mix them up. I'll start with a relatively safe one and go from there!

I got married for the first time in 1994. Fourteen years ago tomorrow, to be exact. So let's start there. I scoured photos this morning finding ones I could appropriately crop. Not an easy task for engagement/wedding photos!

Here I am in one of our engagement photos. This would be about September 1994. Notice the hair. There's lots of it!


Here is another engagement photo. Nice mom jeans going...


Our wedding was Nov. 12, 1994. It was snowing so badly that day, after a week of beautiful weather. So cold. No outside pictures were taken! I loved this dress, then, but now? I'm really glad I don't have to look at it the rest of my life! It's not really...me. Garish, I believe is the word I would use. Man. I wish the beading (EXTENSIVE beading) was more visable!


Check out the bow that spanned the entire butt!


I think that is plenty of public humiliation for one day.

My cake was beautiful, though...

Ghosts

Do you ever wonder who is really reading? If people from your past are googling you and finding your blog and wondering who you are and where you came from?

I spent yesterday afternoon organizing my cedar chest. In the chest is all of my pictures, scrapbooks, letters, keepsakes, journals, wedding dress, Sammy's baby things, etc. My box of memories. I went through all of it since Sammy loves to play in there and look at all the pictures. I finally decided it needed a little love and attention after that! As I physically touched my past, I had several thoughts.

The first being how different I am in each era of my life. I saw pictures of a fat, not that cute baby that turned into a cute little girl with blue eyes and red hair. I saw pictures of grade school and how awkward I was. High school and my many incarnations. My 18th birthday spent with friends in my then uniform: my Save the Earth t-shirt, ripped Levi's and moccasins, long, straight hair and no make-up. Right after I left for college: short hair, huge glasses, so stinking skinny. My engagement photo from my first wedding: long, curly hair, my fiance's shirt that I loved. After that, the hair gets curiously shorter and then super long at pretty regular intervals! However, each set of pictures seemed different to me. Almost like I was looking at several different people and not myself. I'm sure I was some version of myself in each of them, but I wonder what parts I've left and what parts I've held onto. And hope the parts I've held onto are the true, best authentic parts.

The second thought I had was, if the people most prominent in each era of my life stumbled onto my blog, would they recognize me? Would my ex-husband laugh and wonder at how much I've changed? Would my friends from high school wonder why I'm not who they thought I would become? Would college friends peek in and think, "yeah, that's about right"? How am I different, but the same? What would make me recognizable to the people that once really knew me, but don't anymore?

The final thought was how it sometimes feels like the past doesn't exist. That if I didn't have tangible proof of friendships, relationships, events, would anyone believe that they existed? Would I believe they existed or would I simply talk myself into thinking I had made it all up? I wonder if that's why we hold on, why we have our boxes of memories; to prove we've lived and loved and made some sort of imprint, however tiny.