A Perfect Lovely Day

There are songs that I love, but they don't have any particular memory behind them...just a sense of happiness. Mornings like today always bring this song to mind (maybe it was the park we were in?). It really has been a lovely day so far.

(And a programming note: I was going to take pictures of the dining / kitchen / my office area but realized I should clean it first. Next week, I promise!)

The Same as Always

When I was little I didn't dream of being a mom. I didn't dream of playing house and settling down. I wanted nothing of that. When I was little I knew I wanted to be a writer. I knew I wanted to travel the world and write about and photograph what I saw. I knew I wanted to live in New York, but not just live there, but be there, always taking what it could give me.

Now, I wonder how other people find time to write and why I don't. I worry about being a good enough writer; scared of rejection and failure. I have seen such a small part of the world and ache to see more. I wonder if we are too safe and practical to actually go where we want to go. I have to yearn for NYC from a distance and know it isn't practical, even though I still want to live there.

How did I get from the absolutes of my childhood to now? How did those things that I have known, absolutely, from the time I could form dreams turn into things that are forever on a "someday" list? Why do I think it's too late, that my choices have been made and I can't alter the future?

I worry about me, but also people in general. I fear there is too little risk going on with life. We continually put everyone ahead of ourselves, checking our ambitions (when did those become so taboo?) at the door and then make sure that everyone is ok. We want so much for our families and friends, but when it comes to wanting things for ourself, we hold back. We are limited by money and time and responsibilities and so we live our life and put our ambitions to the side, on that "someday" list.

I look at this life I have, one that is so very different from the one I envisioned long ago. I'm not sad about this life. I do feel blessed. I have a wonderful husband who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. I have a beautiful, sweet, cautious little boy who runs saving nothing and bends down to look at every dandelion in his path. I have a beautiful home in a city I love. However, I want more, and there is nothing wrong with wanting more. What is wrong is when you want more, but don't do anything about it. When you want more but complain. When you want more but spite the blessings you already have been given.

After today, my list should look more like this: Now, I find time to write everyday because seeing my name on a book in a bookstore would be akin to nirvana for me. Now, I pull out my camera and focus on things of wonder around me just to remind myself it's there. Now, I save money each week to go toward our next travel adventure (next up: London next spring). My future isn't written. I need to stop living as though it is. I can and should attain the things I saw so clearly. Nothing about my life means I should put my list on hold. I am more than a wife, a mother; I am a woman with dreams and ambition and that isn't a bad thing at all.

Seriously? Now?

When we were younger, my sister and I played barbies all the time. We had a car for them (convertible, of course), some groovy green and orange blow up furniture, a horse - you name it. We would spend hours playing. I remember constructing elaborate houses and roads out of books from our shelves. If you prop them open like tents, they become unbelievable construction tools. We would turn our stereo on and have them play Price Is Right and, well, just play.

One song reminds me of playing barbies the most. I have NO idea why this song is linked to barbies in my head, but it is. Unfortunately, I can't find it on youtube (that should be a sign, I'm pretty sure!) but here's an MP3 copy of it. Sorry.

This is what memory I wake up to last night as the rain pelts against the window, the thunder booms and the lightning fills the room. And the wind. OH, the wind. I wake thinking it's the coming apocolypse!

Two things about this. One, I am a hard, hard sleeper. I can sleep through anything. It's why Isaac's gotten up with Sammy at night every night that he's needed to since he was born. So it must have been loud. And two. This is NOT what I want to be singing during an apocolypse...C'mon!

Fast and Furious

Thankfully, due to a husband who works so close to home and a sister who swept in and took Sammy most of the day (I hear it was a giant party...), I was able to sleep approximately 2700 hours yesterday. Today, the fever is gone (I can't tell you the last time I had a fever of 102!), the throat is less sore and I'm feeling as though I was hit by a mini rather than a bus. Definite improvement!

(Sammy's new favorite thing. He loves the giant magnifying glass!)

And...here it is! I know you all have been waiting on the edge of your seat. The first installment of Tawnya's complete house! Yay!!!! Ok, calm down, really. Heh.

We'll start in the living room. It's not completely done, but will give you a good idea. We have another chair coming (it's on back order) and I have 6 or so black & white prints that I need to mount on canvas for above the couch, but other than that, here is our living room. I love it!

I'm Sick

And it really sucks. Sammy was sick last week and now, on top of allergies, I appear to have the same thing. Really not looking forward to today!