We sometimes get asked if we are planning on adopting. My answer is always the same: no. I have nothing against it, it's just not for me.
My sister is going through some things with her youngest and it again highlighted how comfortable I am with not adopting. I think my niece is a great blessing to my sister and our family and I certainly don't discount how wonderful adoption can be, but I don't believe it's for everyone. I firmly believe my sister is a stronger woman than I. I don't think I could go through the emotions required for adoption. I live in a fragile emotional state so often anyway, I don't think I could deal with the inevitable heartbreak and change in situation from day to day. I like the stability in knowing where things are with our family. I like to think that I'm mature enough to realize that I couldn't go through the ups and downs and the waiting.
People usually give me the "sympathetic groan" when they find out Sammy's an only and that we have no plans to adopt. I wish they wouldn't. I wish I could adequately convey I am at peace knowing my family is complete.
Tawnya - it saddens me that people make you feel like you have to defend your decision on how many children you want (which has nothing to do with them). Having one child makes you just as much of a mother as anyone else. You should never feel like you have to defend that. I think its absolutely wonderful that you know who you are, what you want, and what you are able to do in life. You are comfortable with your choice; screw everybody else!
ReplyDeleteDitto the above comment.
ReplyDeletePeace knowing your family is complete is what it is all about. Brandi made our family complete children wise and without going totally into all of the reasons she was just meant to be part of our family- I just couldn't give birth to her.
ReplyDeleteAs for me being a stronger woman than you are, I don't know about that. All of the drama of adopting was hard and I was mess a lot of the time and spent alot of time crying. Donovan used to say, "Mom, while all of this stinks, it is kinda fun because when you feel sad and depressed, we get doughnuts for breakfast" (don't tell mom I did that)
But in the end it comes down to knowing what is best for you and your family. Besides, how would you ever top the perfection of cute little Sammy?
I really like what Alisa wrote. Sammy is beautiful. Families come in different shapes/colors/sizes and that's what makes this a beautiful world. I understand your feelings. You can't win either way, it feels. Can't we all just trust that we know what's best for ourselves? What would these same people say to the Kapp family that never had kids and never adopted? Each family is individual and beautiful and contributes in their own way. You are a wonderful mom and Sammy is a doll.
ReplyDeleteAmen to my sista friends! Families come in different sizes and yours is juuuust right!!!
ReplyDeleteI seriously don't understand why your family size would matter to anyone, but you. I love that you are at peace. I honestly think that anyone who is caught up in pushing their opinions on others, needs to get a hobby. They obviously have way too much time on their hands.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Jen, I agree. They do have too much time on their hands! It will never cease to amaze me that they comment, but thankfully I'm in charge enough of my own feelings not to get upset about it. You just have to be at peace and go about your life.
ReplyDeleteMy sorrow is for those struggling (whether it be fertility or feelings or whatever) who get the comments. Those are the ones I hurt deeply for. Not me, though.